The Inglorious Adventure of a Badass
by Eve's Dropping
Summary: The Puck we know and love is transported to an actual AU! There, Rachel doesn't know she can sing, Finn is a jerk who hits Quinn, Kurt is black, Mercedes is white, Brittany's a guy, Sanatana's a girly girl and Puck is a wimp. How can he get back! ;D
1. Chapter 1

_;p Enjoy my first fic, about AUs and Puckleberry. Please Read and Review:_

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Puck sat idly – when was he ever not idle – in the glee room. It was the last place that anyone who knew him would have thought he'd be, and that was exactly why he was there.

The school, hell, the whole of Lima's opinion about him was based on this badass reputation he'd had for years, but it was suddenly changing for him. It was like they'd all up and realised that he was a loser masquerading as a badass, and they took it upon themselves to let him know. Ever since the baby problem… Slushies in the face and a severe lack of sex led him to where he was now: the fucking sing-song room.

Maybe if he could just start again from the bottom. He'd built up his rep once, and he could no doubt do it again, even this late in the game. He'd bet on it.

It was last period, and he'd leave soon, but he was pretty much on his last straw with the school, so he figured getting caught leaving too early could potentially end it for him. Of course, if anyone asked him, he just couldn't be bothered to get up. He didn't care about school.

God he was too good at being a badass, just reiterating his previous point. He could be badass wearing a pink bow and singing Little Bo Peep.

As he lost himself in his badass thoughts, trying to figure out how he could rock the bow look, Rachel walked confidently in. She took so long to notice him that it was if his being there was so impossible that he wasn't there.

But she eventually noticed him.

"Noah?" She didn't even try to hide the incredulity in her voice.

He just raised an eyebrow at her, forming a quick plan in his mind. She always seemed to be five minutes ahead of everybody else, so he probably had a good few minutes before they could expect anybody, even teachers, and he really needed a pick-me-up.

"Rachel." He pushed himself up and started to slowly make his way across the room towards her, raking his eyes up her legs, over her perfect ass and past her volumous hair and to her deep browns, pausing almost-suggestively on her full lips. "Figured you'd be here."

As he said this, he wondered without actual interest if he had.

Rachel's face froze as he grew closer. "Noah, wha-?"

"I want you." He stated simply, almost within reach of her soft skin. "And I want your sexy body underneath my smokin' one."

He smirked and pouted at the same time. He raised one hand, a finger extended, and trailed it down the side of her face. She stopped his hand suddenly as it reached her chin, and with an awkward smile she pulled it down to hold between both of her hands.

"Noah, I…" She gave him a half-sympathetic, half-sheepish look and sighed. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you in that way, especially since…"

Noah pulled his hand away sharply. "Since fucking what?"

"Since the whole Finn/Quinn/baby issue," Rachel stated, blunt as ever, "You just can't be trusted as a potential boyfriend, due to your history as a cheater."

Puck gritted his teeth. He couldn't hit a girl. He could _not _hit a girl.

Rachel smiled, oblivious to how much her insult had stung, and looked back to the bag that she had left on top of the piano. With no further word, Puck grabbed his shit and stormed out, quietly so that she wouldn't know he was storming out.

As he reached the door, he threw in a "your loss," to ensure he retained his status as badass, but he knew for a fact that it wasn't.

The halls were busy now, so he blended in – as much as a hot bod and rockin' Mohawk would allow – enough, in fact for Quinn, his post-pregnancy ex to almost entirely ignore him.

It was almost because Puck snagged her arm. He was going to get some tonight, no matter who it was from.

"You game, babe?" He wobbled his eyebrows suggestively, pout-smirking as she took in his meaning.

Quinn snorted. "I'm the president of the celibacy club, Puck. What do you think?"

Puck snorted more spitefully right back at her. "Who had sex with me, and got pregnant. What's changed?"

"I got integrity and dumped you ass. I popped the little sucker out and then I got re-hymenated." Quinn said proudly, tugging her arm free of his loosening grasp.

Puck laughed out loud, causing a few stares. It was finals season, and nobody was in a laughing mood.

Slightly quieter, but still loud enough for people to hear, he laughed out a question, "Re-hymenated. What in the hell is that?"

Quinn locked her jaw. "It means I renewed my virginity." Puck opened his mouth to talk, a smirk on his lips, and she interrupted him before he could say something crude about who her virginity belonged to, "Spiritually."

Puck sneered, realising now he had no chance with this one, and said something about who her virginity belonged to anyway as he strutted down the hall away from her.

It was just one of those days. Even Santana wasn't interested, and his attempts to confuse Brittany so she thought she wanted to sleep with him didn't work, so he was left almost at his car without a single piece of ass at his disposal.

Then he spotted her.

The first thing he saw was her legs. They were the perfect shape, tanned and smooth, her curves highlighted by the strappy black stilettos she had on, and covered only slightly by the skin-tight red dress she was wearing that had a slit from her very upper right thigh that spread to uncover the entire leg. His eyes slowly moved up her body, to her taught stomach and her amazing breasts. They weren't massive, so that she would look like a hooker, but they weren't flat. They were… perfect, and the dress cut across them to reveal just enough cleavage. The straps were only just there, showing off her slim collarbones and arms, only covered by the bouncy blonde hair that crowned her head. And her face! Full, red lips, piercing green eyes, and skin so smooth you'd think she was wearing a mask. So beautiful, so stunning, so hot, and so unfair that she didn't stand a chance against Puck's wiles.

Do guys have wiles? He couldn't remember, but he was sure they had charm, so yeah: she didn't stand a chance against his charm.

The best thing about her was: she was leaning on _his_ car.

As his thoughts finally processed that he was going to get some action tonight, he was standing in front of her, an impressed look on his face.

She stood up and smiled at him. "Noah Puckerman." It wasn't even a question.

He froze, suddenly anxious. She knew his name, and while his reputation preceded him within McKinley High and the cougar possy, he knew for a fact she belonged to neither of these – she looked way to young to be a cougar, and too old to be in high school. Plus he would have remembered her.

Nervous, now, but still hopeful, he answered, "That would be me… and you are…?"

She smiled gracefully, and it kind of freaked him out because it was so vacant, but not enough to stop him from fantasising about taking her right there, fingers digging into her soft flesh, her screaming his name (since she clearly knew it)… He quickly focused on the now before his trousers got too tight.

"My name is Cameron Aphunk, and I was brought to you by the fates." She had an airy sound to her voice, and she sounded a bit high, but as long as it meant Puck wasn't in any trouble he was game.

Puck smirked a little. "As in funk?"

Cameron never lost eye contact. "You know it."

A bit taken aback by her answer, but nevertheless relieved, he stepped a bit closer, so he was closer than friends or complete strangers (who weren't about to have hot naked sex), but not close enough for her to feel overwhelmed. She unexpectedly moved forward, already up for anything he wanted to do.

He bit his lip and took the leap, leaning in slowly to gauge her response. She immediately took his head in her arms and threw herself fully into a passionate kiss, clutching at the small amount of hair in his Mohawk. Deciding they had better move this action somewhere where they wouldn't be gawped at by passers by who fell into the categories of teenage, hormonal and randy before he got too caught up and fucked her right there on the tarmac, he whisked her up into his strong arms and threw her over his shoulder to get him into the truck. She giggled mindlessly, and he hoped she didn't do that too often because it was really creepy, but then she grabbed his ass and all was forgiven.

She climbed into the seat and pulled up her knees as she watched him pull away and drive as fast as he could to the best place to have sex in a car and not get caught; what Puck unimaginatively liked to call "Puck's Secret Place".

Halfway through the drive, Cameron spoke up, still fixed in the mindless-smile face and hugging-knee pose, "We can have sex…" Puck had figured that much out. "If…"

The car swerved slightly as Puck spluttered. "What do you mean, if?"

Her expression remained unmoved and she continued. "If you make a bet. Work your way up and you can come back."

"What the hell? Are you fucking with me?" He considered turning the car around and dumping her crazy ass on the street.

"You're so cocky you will anyway." She sounded kind of like she was talking to herself. "Just take the bet and we can have sex the way you like it."

Puck swallowed, distracted by the image of her on top of him pulsing up and down on his… It was like she was inside his head, focusing him on all of the sex hormones racing through his veins, ignoring the crazy she was emanating.

He swallowed again. "What bet?"

She smiled. "You'll see."

She then pulled herself up and crawled forward revealing more of her cleavage to him, pursing her lips into a familiar smirk-pout before reaching him and wrapping her smooth tongue around his earlobe.

The hell with it. She was offering him free sex to make a bet that didn't make any sense and she was so crazy and high that she probably didn't know what was going on, and that always makes the best sex.

Not so much for her, since she most likely wouldn't remember it – which was why Puck had never once taken drugs in his life – but for him it was like fucking an angel. A willing, hypersensitive, fuck-hot angel.

He sighed and resigned. "Fine, deal." He pulled into Puck's Secret Place and turned with a smirk to her. "Now let's fuck."

She was already on his side, and once he'd put it in park and turned the engine off she yanked him underneath her and began to unbutton his shirt as quickly as she could, leaving a trail of kisses down his chest.

With a moan, Puck clawed at her skin, muttering, mainly to himself, "This is gonna be so fucking good!"

She paused for breath and gazed at him, "It will… change your life."

He almost stopped.

The way she said it suggested more than a chat up line, or dirty talk, but instead it was like she knew something he didn't. And then she pulled her dress over her head, exposing her perfectly perky breasts and he forgot all about that.

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Puck woke up alone in his Secret Place. Firstly, he noticed that he had fallen asleep, and girls rarely made him fall asleep, so Cameron must have been good. Then, he realised that alone meant she'd left, and he was confused, but he was pretty okay with it, since it meant no awkward goodbye. Finally, but most importantly, he realised he was lying on gravel. This, of course, meant that his car was gone. That fucking bitch had stolen his truck.

She'd been damn playing him the whole time, that whore!

Angrily, and with more energy than he normally had when he'd first woken up, he jumped onto his feet and looked around. He let out a train of curse words that Rachel Berry would definitely would not have approved of (Quinn wouldn't have either, he added consciously to his thoughts).

With gritted teeth, he shoved his arms in his jacket pockets and began the long walk home. His mom was gonna be so pissed at him, and then she'd bring out the 'You're not Jewish enough' card, and somehow she'd end up blaming his father for leaving four years ago.

It took him nearly an hour and three quarters to walk home, but he was sulking so normally it would have taken him less. When he got there something didn't feel quite right. The yard was clear, and a respectable ford working-man car sat in the driveway, next to some pussy's pink-tinged banger. He approached the door carefully, both cautious of what had changed, and trying to avoid his mom. When he got there, he noticed a small note taped to it that said:

_Noah, _

_We've all gone for a walk with the dog._

_Dinner's in the oven if you need it._

_Lots of love,_

_Mom xxx_

A fucking dog? They didn't have a dog! Puck didn't know what this was all about, so he figured maybe he had some sort of animal sense that had thrown him off because there was a new dog in his house that he hadn't expected. Wait, his mom hadn't told hi about it and he just hadn't listened, because she would be so pissed off at him if that were the case. He would have to just play it cool and pretend like he knew what was happening in his life.

Absentmindedly making his way through the house, he carelessly flung his jacket over the banister and – trying to ignore the tidy, clean house he had just entered, as opposed to the usual clutter that they had to wade through to get in the front door, because that weirded him out too much – made his way upstairs.

He grabbed the handle of his door, making a mental note to have it out with his mom about the posters that used to be on his door that she must have taken down. As soon as he entered the room, he knew it wasn't just him.

His room was tidy, and the last time his mom had tidied in there, she swore she would die before doing it again; there was also homework on a desk, all of which had never existed in this room since Puck had moved in; and, there was a thin boy with a face like a deer in the headlights.

Puck reared his hand back and smacked him in the chin, sending him crashing over the bed and to the floor.

The boy curled up into a defensive ball, but Puck yanked him up, trembles and all. It looked kind of like he'd just peed his pants.

He was shaking in Puck's hand, but he gave him an odd look, before deciding to ignore whatever thought had just entered his mind and blurting out, "Please, just take whatever you want and go!"

What the hell? None of this made sense to him, and he was so close to beating the crap out of the little weed in front of him. There was something familiar about the boy, though, and Puck couldn't quite place him.

"Who the fuck _are_ you?" He yelled, purposefully making anger the main emotion on his face.

The weed fidgeted, still dangling slightly from Puck's extended arm and answered in a weak, pitiful voice.

"Noah Puckerman."

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_Hope y'all enjoyed it. More to come soon. Loving the Puckleberry atm, but it won't be all that, no worries. Please Review! 3_


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry, there's something I've wanted to say all day, and I just have to let it out:_

_Big up the Puck._

_Strange, I know, but I've been dying to say it to someone. Am I the only one in the world who thinks Mark Salling is extremely attractive, even with the Mohawk and Puck attitude (don't say you wouldn't, wink wink), because all of my friends think I'm crazy. Not that I'm not._

_Please read and review._

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"What in the hell?" Puck dropped the kid – no way would he be thinking of him as being Noah Puckerman; that name deserved respect – as if burnt.

The kid looked like he was debating between making a run for it and quenching the burning curiosity that flared in his eyes. He looked up at the tall, muscular figure that was Puck, and chose the first option. No answer was worth a beat-down to the extent that this guy could provide.

He made it two steps before Puck snagged the back of his collar and yanked him back so that he was seated on the bed.

Puck leant down, a wary but cocky tone to his now threateningly deep voice. "I'll ask you again. Who the fuck are you?"

The kid was physically shaking, his whole body quivering as he stared up and up. "Noah Puckerman, honest, sir."

Noah smacked a hand across his face and dragged it down, slowly revealing a tortured look. "Okay, so what is it? You're a weirdo who seeks out those with the same name as you? Or, you're obsessed with me and decided to stalk me, not that I'd blame you there? And," he took a more careful look around his room as he continued, "You tidied my… house? How did you get rid of my mom and my sister, huh?"

How crazy was this guy? It struck him then that maybe the note had been his mother's way of warning him without this guy realising. Maybe he was more dangerous than he'd first presumed.

Getting angry, and feeling a little worried about his mom and sister, he lashed out at the kid. So that it wouldn't actually hurt him so much as it scared the shit out of the little dick, he slammed his hand on his chest and he went flying back to a lying position on the bed, his hyperventilating breathing nearing on sobs.

"Plea-ea-ea-ease!" He held his hands out to try and stop another blow. "Just take what you want and leave!"

Puck stopped short. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Take what he wants and leave? It was all his stuff! It was his house!

Not one to hold back his thoughts in this kind of matter, he said just that. "This is my stuff and my house… What the fuck…?"

Even more confused now, he backed away from the kid lying belly up on his bed and went to sit the chair that was usually there, but instead landed hard on his ass, because that chair was now on his new desk. It felt like more than just a change in placement, though. The room was familiar, as would be expected, but it didn't _feel_ like his room. Everything felt out of balance…

While Puck was distracted by his thoughts, still sat awkwardly on the floor, the kid had shuffled to the edge of the bed and was about to lunge for the door when Puck noticed the direction of his gaze.

"Don't even try," he stated simply, with an unspoken threat lingering in his voice.

The kid smartly chose to stay put, and a strange look crossed his face. Like… unwanted curiosity and unwilling determination.

Almost as if by accident, he blurted out a question, his voice breaking in the middle, "Who are _you_, then?"

Puck jumped athletically up to his feet and gave him a demeaning look. "You don't know?"

The kid had his mouth clamped shut, but he shook his head.

Puck sighed and groaned at the same time; this was so messed up. "My name is also Noah Puckerman, as you almost definitely know."

Absentmindedly, still holding his mouth tightly shut, the kid shook his head.

Puck grunted. "Okay, let's pretend I believe you. So, smartass, what are you doing in my house?"

Finally, the kid fully allowed confusion to cover his face, accidentally unclamping his lips in the process. "But, this is my house…"

As soon as the words had left his lips, he clearly regretted it and shock crossed his face as it sunk in that he'd actually spoken, and sealed his lips.

"No, it's not." Puck rolled his eyes.

This kid was obviously delusional, and as soon as his mom and sister – he was still worried about them – got home, he'd deal with him and get him to the nearest psych ward.

"Yes it is." Again, the kid looked as if he had surprised himself by talking.

Puck decided that until his family were back, he'd humour the kid.

"Okay then," he smirked as he spoke, "Prove it."

The boy quickly shifted as if to get up, but his face fell as it struck him he may not be allowed. He nervously glanced at Puck, who shrugged and waved him up.

He crossed the room to the bookshelf – also a new addition; of course Puck didn't have books – of which one of the shelves was covered in pictures and what looked like piles of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, some of them framed in macaroni-glitter style frames that could only be homemade. Puck groaned internally. Just having these things in his room, whether they actually belonged to him or not, could potentially ruin his well-built rep, and that simply couldn't happen.

"Move it along, kid." He shifted from one butt cheek to the other uncomfortably.

The boy grabbed the middle photo and hurried back to thrust it in Puck's face. With a resigned sigh, bored now by this whole experience, he took the photo and moved it so he could look at it more closely. In the middle there was the kid, dressed up in some wizard gear (full on purple robe with stars on and a matching pointy hat get-up) – could this guy get any worse? Surrounding him on both sides were a well-kempt version of his family. His mother, his sister and… was that his father? His mom had burnt all of the photos they had of him when he'd left, so all Puck had were slightly-exaggerated memories of broad shoulders and trimmed stubble, and this guy was broad, but clean-shaven. Still…

"When was this taken?" Puck didn't here the feminine softness of his voice until it was too late, and he thought he heard the kid stifle a laugh, but there was no way he had the nerve to do that.

Not around Puck.

With a cough – suggesting he had in fact laughed, but Puck ignored it – he answered. "Last month, at the dungeons and dragons festival."

Puck looked up in shock. "Last month?" Anger crossed his face, now. "That dick fucking left us four years ago! No way… Just, no way!"

The kid looked confused. "He never left… here…"

Puck stayed silent for a while.

"Wait, wait." Puck held up a hand to stop the kid as he neared the end of his speech. "Dungeons and dragons? Seriously?"

The kid gaped. "Really? You're facing the fact that there are theoretically two of you, and that's what you pick up on?"

Puck was still thinking to himself, but he nodded and added. "Well, if there were two of me, I'm sure as hell neither one of them would play dungeons and dragons."

"Well, maybe one of them has no friends and was bored enough to try it to get out of the house so his mom wouldn't worry." The kid back-chatted and Puck – untrue to his character – let it slide.

He was starting to like this kid, he had spirit, and possibly some backbone (which shouldn't really be a surprise given that you could almost see it through his shirt, but it was nonetheless).

"Well maybe that kid is a nerd." Puck threw back.

Sometimes the classics are the best.

With a huff, Kid (a nickname Puck had decided suited his alter-self, given that comparatively speaking he seemed much younger that him, and it would be stupid to call them both the same thing) argued, "Maybe the other, admittedly bigger one is getting off topic."

"Are we still talking theoretically?" Puck smirked

In an unexpected burst of anger, Kid yelled at Puck. "This is damn serious!"

The kid clearly wasn't one to normally lash out in anger this way, based on the underlying shock on his face, beneath the flash of red, but Puck was impressed enough to stay quiet long enough for him to carry on.

He took a breath, calming himself down, and then went on. "Look, I read comic books and stuff–"

"No surprise there." Puck muttered.

He threw back a fleeting look of rebuke (wearing it well on his face, clearly practised in the art of subtle argument, since he probably wasn't good in the fighting division), and then continued as if uninterrupted, his confidence around Puck ever-growing.

"Anyway, they're always talking about crossing to alternate universes in them–"

Puck snorted. "So it must be true."

With a pout (seriously.), Kid screwed up his nose. "If you'd let me finish! What I was about to say is that I read a study once that all imagination is based on past-beliefs, whether they were based on fact or not. Vampires, Romeo and Juliet; pretty much all of sci-fi are based on myths and legends through time!"

Puck shrugged. "So?"

Kid rolled his eyes, realising only now that he was going to have to put in the extra effort to explain things to what he had already decided was himself from an alternate universe. "_So_, alternate universes could actually exist, and all this time people have been passing them off as

"Look, alternate universe or not, I'm not making myself a freak show. We should just chill until this all blows over." Puck threw himself on the bed next to Kid, causing the small teenager to bounce.

"You're being very cavalier." Kid pulled the hand closest to Puck into his lap as if avoiding something unclean.

Throwing a hand casually over his face, Puck laughed. "Dude, you've got to stop using words that I don't understand." To highlight the point, Puck used his free arm to smack Kid across the chest.

Kid accepted this. It was his own fault, really; he'd known that Puck was a bit slow, and should have adjusted his behaviour accordingly.

"But how do you expect this all to blow over? You've got to get back somehow. I mean, something must have happened that got you here"

Agreeing that this was valid, Puck sat up. "Okay, so how do you think I got here?"

Kid screwed up his face in thought.

Puck shuddered. "Kid, don't thinks so hard! It's hurting _my _head just looking at you."

When Kid strained to not pull his thinking face, Puck gave up. It was going to take more than a few gentle (and yes, for Puck, this was extremely gentle) suggestions to fix him.

Finally, Kid answered. "Maybe a big event threw you into our universe?"

Puck thought for a moment, trying to emphasise how little effort he put in and how cool and badass he looked doing it. "I dunno, I slipped on my sister's old skates?"

Kid shook his head. "It would have to be something more substantial… bigger" (he added this to make sure Puck got the message) "Say, for instance, did the Earth explode?"

Puck laughed. "Er, no."

"Well, it would be something like that." Kid resigned himself to making no more suggestions.

He was laughed at enough as it was.

The pair of Noah Puckermans were silent for at least a minute, as Puck sniffed and let his mind wander and Kid concentrated.

As a thought occurred to him, he snorted. "You didn't happen to come across any succubi did you?"

Puck smirked. "Every fucking day."

Kid perked up, trying to act cool. "So, you have sex, like, all the time?"

Puck nodded and made a noise that suggested a lazy yes.

"Right." He coughed, trying to clear his mind. "So, were any of them really different? Did any act weird, or come out of nowhere, or in a strangely realistic dream?"

Puck sighed, realising he'd have to actually think again. He was getting tired of this.

"Maybe. This one earlier on–"

"Today?!" Kid gaped.

"Yeah." Puck didn't even register that Kid was surprised. "Yeah, she was totally spaced out the entire time, and went on about a bet or something beforehand. She didn't make a whole lot of sense

"Did she say what bet?" Kid picked up on that.

Puck shook his head, and Kid's shoulders fell. "She said that I'd see."

With a yielding sigh, Kid lay down as Puck had before, and Puck followed suit.

After a few moments of individual thought, Kid decided to himself that he would find out more about the other him. His life was pretty tough, and this guy seemed to have it easy. There must be something about him he could learn from…

"Noah?"

"Call me Puck, man, everyone does."

Kid screwed up his nose and tasted the word in his mouth. "Puck…"

"Yeah." Puck rolled his eyes at the boy. "As in _Puck_erman."

"So, Puck, who's your best friend over there?"

"Finn."  
"Finn _Hudson_?"

"Yeah. Why? He's not dead here or anything, is he?"

"No, he's a jerk. The other day he threw a slushy in my face, just out of nowhere! I mean, what the hell is that?"

Puck was laughing. "Aha, classic. It's a daily occurrence where I'm from."

Kid's jaw dropped. "Seriously? You get slushied every day?"

"No." Puck guffawed. "I slush_y_ every day, or I do once a week, more like. Not so much recently, since I got a blueberry right in the face, but I have to maintain a rep. At least once a month, now."

Kid stared at him like he'd just found out he regularly killed puppies.

"What?" Puck shrugged. "It's not that bad; most of them expect it now. Just keeps them in their place. Like Rachel Berry, that one really needs–"

"Wait." Kid now looked thoroughly appalled. "Rachel? You slushy Rachel?"

"Ugh, yeah, man. She thinks _way_ too much of herself. If she had her way we'd be listening to her singing all the time. I mean, she's got some pipes, but my ears need a break."

"What?" Confusion and anger filled Kid's eyes. "You slushy Rachel?"

Puck laughed. "Kid, I already said yes. Why, what's the big deal?" Realisation struck Puck. "Oh, no, please don't tell me you're in love with her, cause I just can't deal with all that crazy!"

Kid laughed out loud. "No!"

Puck was shocked; he'd seemed a nice guy, so why would he laugh?

"I wouldn't say she was that bad. Hell, she is extremely hot, and I sure as hell wouldn't say no, if it weren't for the crazy."

Kid chuckled, now. "I just said no because she's _my _best friend. There's no way I could ever see her as anything but a friend. I mean, I once helped her pick a zit on her… What were you talking about singing?"

Puck let the zit comment go. The poor guy clearly needed someone to cut him a break, and while he was usually the last one to do that, this was himself we were talking about.

"You know, how she's obsessed with singing, and preaches to anyone with ears that she's going to be on Broadway soon."

Kid slowly shook his head.

Puck sat up. "Wait, so Berry doesn't know she can sing? I can't even imagine that…"

He tried to for a second, but it just didn't fit.

"What's she like over there, then?" Kid sat up, following Puck, curiosity taking precedence.

"A gleek. For those of you from the other universe, that is a glee club geek. She is blunt and over-determined and slightly selfish."

There was a pause in the conversation.

"Aren't you going to ask me what she's like here?" Kit looked taken aback that he even had to ask that.

Puck narrowed his eyes. "Look, we're not doing this, okay?"

"Doing what?" Kit questioned innocently.

"The whole exchange of life stories situation. That's not how I roll."

"O-kay. I'll just ask you stuff, then."

Puck thought about arguing, but he liked the topic, so shrugged for him to continue.

Despite this, they were quiet for a while, Kid clearly unsure where to start, as he kept starting to speak, but stopping short of one word each time.

"Okay, I've got one for you." Puck piped up lazily.

Kid narrowed his eyes. "I thought you didn't want to do this?"

"I lied in the interest of maintaining my badass-ness." Puck shrugged nonchalantly. "So: Did you by knock up Quinn Fabray over here?"

Kid spat out his Kool Aid. "Quinn _Fabray_?"

Puck nodded slowly, sighing. "So I guess not, then."

With a withering look, Kid nodded. "And I doubt you did. No matter how different your universe is, there's no way head Cheerleader and chair of the celibacy committee would ever let you get her pregnant."

Puck chuckled and smirked. "You better believe it, Kid."

Kid sighed. "Your life is awesome."

Puck lay back again with his arms behind his head. "I know."

* * *

_So yeah, in love with Puck. Sorry if this chap has been a bit long. Just wanted to fit a load in. I could have gotten more in, but i didn't want to bore you, and my typin hands were hurting. ;P_

_Please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_I've changed the rating because I realised I'm probs not gonna put any smut in, and if I do, then I'll just rate the chap. Most of this is pretty mild, just a bit of swearing._

_BTW, does anyone know if the plural of universe is universes or what? Cause it just doesn't sound right._

_Anyway, enjoy. Please read and review._

* * *

Kid had never met anyone like himself.

Puck was by far the coolest guy he had ever met. He was so laid back, and so effortlessly kick-ass in everything he did. He would hate him if they weren't essentially the same person.

Not that he could ever compare himself to that… _god_ currently lying on his bed. Just standing in the same room made him feel inadequate in every way. Even his straight A's and perfect nuclear family couldn't make up for the waves of cool oozing from Puck's every pore.

The word cool didn't even cut it. He could easily idolise this person who he'd just met – and yet felt closer to than all but Rachel Berry – for the rest of his life.

The question was: How could he keep him around?

Puck had already agreed that staying with him was probably the most sensible idea, but Kid knew he wouldn't be able to hide him in the house (his mother was _way_ too observant to get away with that kind of thing) and his parents would need a _really_ good reason for Puck to stay. So they'd spent the past twenty minutes brainstorming. Well, Kid had been listing potential plans, and Puck had been shooting them down, one by one.

"Already tried that one; epic failure." Puck was throwing the football Kid's father had given him, in the hope that it would encourage him to join the team and not be a colossal loser, up in the air, catching it in one hand every time.

Another ripple of envy surged through Kid as he realised he had never once caught that ball. He'd just stashed it under his bed for years; it was only now emerging because Puck apparently had no personal boundaries.

Kid was unconvinced. "You've already tried telling her that you've got an illegal Jewish immigrant from Israel in your room, who just needs a place to stay?"

Puck shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, it was a chick, but I pretty much told her she was going to be killed if she left my room, because some people were out to get her because of her religion or some shit like that, but my mom saw straight through it and kicked her out on her ass. She was actually a cheerleader from another school visiting for some 'friendly' cheer competition."

Kid seriously could not help idolising this brilliant man in front of him.

Finally out of ideas, Kid threw his hands up as a sign of surrender. "Fine. What do you suggest?"

Puck ran a hand over his face and through his Mohawk. "Damn, Kid, I don't know."

As he said these words, they heard the front door open with the distinct squeak and scrape that it apparently made in both universes.

The met each other's terrified looks (though admittedly Puck looked _much_ less scared than Kid was) and mouthed the one word that could ruin everything. The word that sent shivers down their spines no matter how bad whatever they did was. The word 'Mom'.

She called up. "Noah, sweetie, are you here?"

Kid gaped and Puck eventually had to kick him to get him to answer. "Yes, mom, and there's someone here with me."

Puck's jaw actually dropped. What an idiot! How the hell did he expect them to get away with anything if he went telling her everything?

Kid caught sight of his face and quickly muttered his apology. "I panicked, it just came out."

Puck shook his head, not accepting that as an excuse.

He snorted and muttered back. "You could have at least made it sound like I wasn't a girl."

The look of shock on Kid's face made Puck think he may never have had a girl up here, but he shrugged it off. No way was that even physically possible.

His mom shouted up the stairs again. "Someone up there? Who?"

She sounded suspicious already, and Puck knew all too well that a suspicious Momma Puck was an incredulous Momma Puck.

Kid patting a hand over his mouth, trying to think of something to say. Puck watched him in disbelief; maybe he hadn't had a girl up here…

"Puck?" His mom called again.

Puck threw the ball at Kid. "Quit panicking, dude, that will just set off major suspicion alarms in the momster."

They could hear footsteps up the stairs.

Kid mimed a scream and started bouncing around the room, as if looking for some kind of weapon, or a place to hide.

While Kid was repeating "What are we gonna say?" over and over, Puck had a thought.

"Quick, Kid!" Puck jumped up. "Did your dad have a massive show-down with his sister about marrying my mom?"

Kid nodded slowly. "At the wedding. They haven't spoken since…"

The door burst open, and through it came the formidable force that was Evette Puckerman. Well, not so much burst as passively aggressively entered. She was the master of being scary without doing anything that should technically scare you.

She eyed Puck up and down, which he should really be used to, but it unnerved him every time.

Never one to be directly impolite, she smiled at him, but he knew her well enough to tell she was faking it, no matter what universe she was from. Christ, this was messed up.

"Oh, hello." The 'oh' seemed unnecessary; surprise wasn't really believable at this point, as she had been systematically judging him for at least twenty seconds, and from what he could tell she didn't like what she saw.

(What would she do if she found out he was flesh and blood, her son, no less?)

Nevertheless, she reached across to where he was sitting on the bed and offered him her hand.

"I'm Noah's mom, Evette."

Puck took it reluctantly. The instant their hands made contact, something weird passed between them and Evette snatched her's back as if burnt. She looked at him strangely, like she knew he was hiding something, but it didn't seem as frightening as before. Her eyes had softened.

Puck finally believed what his mom had been telling him for years: a mother always knows.

Before it could get too awkward and her suspicions could form into something, Puck smiled at her.

"I'm Peter, but everyone calls me Puck."

Evette shook her head slightly and the fake politeness was back.

"Nice to meet you, Peter."

He should have known she wouldn't use a nickname. His actual mom never did, so why would this one?

Evette turned to Kid. "Noah, how do you know Peter?"

Puck almost smiled. He knew that what that question actually meant was: Why the hell is this strange boy in my house?

Puck stood up now, trying to draw her attention from the sheer panic that was leaking onto Kid's face.

"I think I should answer that…" He tried to look sheepish, but someone this badass is never actually sheepish. "My name is Peter _Puckerman_."

Bewilderment coated Evette's polite act. She was stuck for words, and ended up opening her mouth and closing it, letting out a heavy breath every now and again.

At this point, their dad entered the room. Puck froze up. He didn't know what he was feeling, but it sure as hell wasn't a good sensation.

He hadn't seen that man for four years, and he always swore to himself that if he did he would beat as much life out of him as he could, until he was literally a deadbeat.

Evette was still a little shocked, but she managed to stutter out. "Ugh, darling, this is Peter Puckerman…"

Jonas Puckerman was evidently just as confused as his wife had been, but he managed to maintain his composure better than she had.

"Peter _Puckerman_?" His eyebrows were both pulled together nearing the edge of his hair line.

Puck laughed bitterly inside his head. He was not liking anything about Jonas, so he was going to enjoy every little bit of… well anything that could be made fun of, or something. Like his eyebrows. Ha.

Realising they were waiting for his explanation, Puck shook it off. "Ugh, yeah, I'm your nephew." He didn't wait for a response; he just went on to expand, ignoring their awestruck faces. "My mom got pregnant just after she had a fight with you, _Uncle_ Jonas, and my parents never got married, so – ya know – I'm a Puckerman. Anyway, my dad left a few years back, and it's been hard on her so we've been… clashing. Anyway, it was pretty much the last straw when I got my hair like this, and, I – er," Now he really did look sheepish, though it was accidental and he'd fucking punch himself if he saw his own face, because his actual mum didn't know about this last one. "Well, I got a nipple ring. So, yeah, she kicked me out of the house, and I didn't really have anywhere to go, and I hitchhiked here because she told me about you once…"

Kid was just as in awe as his parents, though admittedly for different reasons. Puck just came up with that? And he was so convincing, like when he paused before saying clashing; just long enough to make it seem like he was wary of how to describe it… This guy was a genius. Kid had every intention of worshipping at his feet.

Puck just waited, painting a look of hope on his face. The two parents in the room exchanged a weighted look, and then turned back to Puck.

"You can stay here, of course." Evette seemed to have lapped up the story, suddenly eager to like Puck. "We'll bring up a folding bed and some sheets for you." She glanced around the room. "Do you have want me to put your bag for you somewhere?"  
Puck shrugged his shoulders. "I don't exactly have anything with me. My mom didn't give me much of a chance to get anything. I have–" he pulled out his pockets to reveal a mobile phone, a few small notes and a pack of gum.

Then she did something his mom did all of the time. She pulled him into a hug, and he let her. He didn't let himself get too into it, because that can just get embarrassing, so they ended up parting after a few seconds. In a way, it made him miss his mom, even though she was right in front of him.

"Thank you." And he really meant it.

She smiled. "You can wear some of Jonas' clothes for tonight, but tomorrow I'll give you some money and you and Noah can go and get some new clothes."

Puck was touched by how nice his family was, and a badass should never be touched by anything. (Except girls. Boiiingg!)

"I can't ask you to do that…" He frowned.

Evette shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous. What are family for? You'll stay with us, and I'll enrol you in school so you can start on Monday."

She nodded, as if that settled everything, before leaving the room to get to work sorting things out for him. Puck didn't realise what had happened to him until it was too late. He'd been had by the momster.

Jonas smirked (Kid noticed that it was the exact smirk that Puck often had covering his face) and then leant in to Puck, curious. "So, was it really just the hair and the nipple ring? There must have been _something_ else?"

Puck's jaw locked. He was finding it very hard not to hit this guy. It's not that he wasn't being nice and cordial, but he knew that he was the same person who left his family four years ago. No matter how different things were over here, he would never be anything but a deadbeat dad to him.

Plastering on a fake smile, carefully adding a bit of cheek, Puck mirrored his move and leant in. "I knocked up the head cheerleader, who's actually my best friend's girl, then got into it with him and got kicked out of school."

Jonas' jaw dropped. "Seriously?"

Puck nodded. "It's the truth, man."

It was!

Okay, so the kicked out of school was a lie, but he remembered his mom saying that if he screwed up any more then she would kick him out, and an example of expulsion was mentioned.

Jonas frowned, but seemed impressed, and then nodded to the pair and left them be, closing the door behind him.

Jerk.

Kid was still staring at Puck.

"What?" Puck threw himself back on the bed.

Kid shrugged, trying and failing to replicate the way Puck had done it so effortlessly.

Puck rolled his eyes and laid his head back.

"How long do you think you're gonna be here for?" Kid asked, and Puck looked up to find him sat on the bed next to him.

"Dunno. I guess I'm here till I'm gone."

Puck was bored of talking, now, and he's had a long day (he'd travelled across universes, for God's sake), so he closed his eyes and let sleep control him.

It felt like only a moment later – and it very well may have been – when his mom walked in and woke him up as she spoke loudly to Kid. He didn't even have the luxury of thinking, just for a moment, that it had all been a dream, because he could feel Kid's presence at the desk next to the window.

"Noah, you need to go down the shop for me and get these things." Puck forced himself up in time to see her hand him a sheet of paper with what must be a list of groceries on it.

She turned to leave, and saw Puck sitting. "Oh, sorry to wake you Peter. You bed is there, ready to set up, and I left some of Jonas' pyjamas on top of the sheets. Would you like to go with Noah to the shop? You could get some necessities – toothbrushes, soap, you know."

Puck was about to say 'Who the hell is Peter?' but he remembered all too well, and instead said, "That would be great."

Evette beamed at him like he was her favourite person. "Okay, then. Here's some money for that."

She gave him what must have been a few hundred dollars in twenties and tens, and Puck almost dropped it.

"Oh, no, I can't take all that!" Puck felt like a pansy.

Evette laughed. "We insist."

Before he could argue any more, she was gone.

* * *

"You really didn't have to come. I could have gotten you your stuff and you could have slept or something…"

Puck couldn't understand why Kid was so nervous about him coming with him. "Just accept it, man, we're like halfway there."

Kid looked around nervously, and muttered, almost under his breath, "I know."

Puck stumbled a little and realised his shoelace was undone. He curled down over it, telling Kid to go ahead, and that he'd catch up no problem.

Once he'd successfully secured his shoes to his feet, he stood up and heard a loud cry from around the corner, accompanied by taunting voices.

He hurried forward, curious more than chivalrous.

The scene in front of him was, firstly, pitiful, and secondly, embarrassing. He couldn't believe that Kid was of the same name and DNA, but they were somehow on opposite ends of the food chain.

Kid was being held up by the scruff of his collar by none other than Finn Hudson, and there were a group of three boys laughing around him, and Puck just could not let that happen. He had a rep to protect, even if nobody in this universe knew about it.

"Shopping for mommy, again, are we Ark boy?" Finn chuckled at his joke, and the others blindly guffawed with him.

Puck snorted loudly. "Noah's _Ark _is seriously the best you can come up with?"

Finn looked appalled that someone he didn't know was not only talking to him, but insulting him. "Who the hell are you?"

"Noah here's cousin. You, however, may call me Puck."

Finn didn't know what it was about this boy, but he was getting intimidated, and he did _not_ like it. He dropped Kid and went towards Puck.

Puck was too fast, because – alternate universe or not – he knew Finn, and he knew all of his moves.

That is why, before Kid could tell what was going on, Finn was on the floor writhing, and his goons were contemplating running or helping Finn. Not fighting. They weren't going to fight.

Kid grinned at Puck.

Puck smirked back, and shook his head back and forth, adrenaline pumping through his veins. "Wow that was good."

Kid nodded. "Uh, yeah!"

"I'm kinda glad you're a bully magnet."

The smile was immediately wiped from Kid's face.

Puck shook his head. "Man, I just really needed to do something really fuckin' badass, after all of the touchy-feely shit that went on with your family, so just accept that I helped you and get over it."

Kid nodded and was smiling again, but not quite as much as before.

* * *

_So yeah, no Rachel yet, but no worries, she's coming. And it's gonna be gooood. Just be patient, and reviewwww!_


	4. Chapter 4

_This is sooneer than i thought it would be, but i got inspired. Please read and review, i love your feedback!_

* * *

Kid was quiet the rest of the way to the store, and while Puck was appreciating the peace, he had a feeling he was moping, and considering how much time they'd probably be spending together, he thought it would probably be a good idea to kiss and make up.

It was already obvious that Kid worshipped Puck; most people did, he was knew the signs. So, by the time they saw the sign on the corner of the street ahead, Puck already had a plan of how to use this knowledge to make it up to Kid.

"Okay, Kid." Puck said it as though he'd just thought of it, when actually he'd been waiting until the exact precise moment that this would work.

He figured the time it took to reach the store doors would be more than enough.

"Yeah?" Kid already seemed wary, and Puck liked that he already had him figured out; that kind of talent is useful in Puck's line of… _business_.

"You know how I'm a total badass?" He barely paused long enough for Kid to nod – there's no way you can dispute that kind of thing. "And you, well, you're not." Again, nothing there to argue with, so he continued, ignoring Kid's sad nod. "Well, I figure I'll teach you to be a badass."

Kid looked up in shock, narrowly avoiding falling on his face when he stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk. "Wha… Why?"

Puck laughed. "I can't have someone wearing my name and acting like you do. And frankly, nobody could possibly be happy being the beating bag of, ya know, everyone. Since we're kinda like – I dunno – brothers or something, I guess I don't want you, like, unhappy." He was sounding more and more like a chick, so he decided to man up and rope Kid in. "First lesson: disregard for the rules."

Kid eyed Puck nervously. "And what exactly does that entail?"

Puck motioned towards the store. "Use your almighty five finger discount."

Kid took a moment to catch on, which showed Puck just how much he needed his help. "I can't do that! What if I got caught?"

They were about 100 feet from the door, now, so Puck pulled Kid off to the side.

"You won't, it's easy." He looked almost amused by Kid's abidance to the rules.

Kid rolled his eyes. "It's not _that _easy!"

Puck sighed and looked towards the store.

He held a hand on Kid's chest. "Stay here." And he was gone, heading into the store.

Kid was frozen to the spot, not entirely sure what Puck was doing, but waiting nonetheless for the alarms to start sounding. A minute later he was back, chewing gum nonchalantly.

Kid looked at him expectantly. "So?"

Puck nodded and pulled out two packs of gum – Kid knew he'd only had one before – and a Pez dispenser.

"This is small stuff, because I was just showing you it's easy." Puck popped open the Pez packet and handed it to Kid, before offering him a stick of gum.

Kid still looked unsure.

Puck patted him on the back. "Tell you what, I'll come in with you, keep an eye out for any security guards and shit, and you do the deed. You can just go for something small, like a bar of candy, or if you're feeling brave maybe… a DVD? This place doesn't have security pillars, so there won't be an alarm or anything."

Kid thought for a second, and – as if he had a choice – nodded.

Puck led the way into the store, and made his way over to the toiletries section, partly looking for a toothbrush, but mainly watching Kid.

He was looking up and down the candy racks, checking around him way too often. He picked up a Snickers bar and started to read the packet.

Puck rolled his eyes. All Kid had to do was snatch the thing and ram it in his pocket… except be more subtle than that. And he was reading the damn thing!

Finally, Kid tucked the Snickers in his pocket and pulled his shirt down so you couldn't see the lump. He was about to head over to Puck, a proud, but petrified, look stamped on his face, when a woman with white hair and a dress that shouted Grandma pushed a trolley in front of Kid. When she spotted him, she stopped and shuffled over to have a conversation, despite Kid's obvious protests about needing to get going.

She'd had him there for a good seven minutes, and Puck was almost on the floor laughing at Kid's expression, when a store clerk walked over.

"Can I help you, sir, or are you just curious?" The elderly woman looked at him like he was a piece of crap on her shoe or something, and _no one_ looked at him like that.

Puck stopped laughing and pulled himself to his full height. "I guess I'm both, ma'am."

The woman looked sceptical. "Both?"

Puck held back a snigger… but if he hadn't, it would have sounded more badass than a snigger. "Yes, you see, I'm buy-curious."

He heard someone behind him snort a laugh before quickly stifling it. Someone _female_.

Once the bitchy store clerk had hurried off, pretending she'd seen another customer, Puck chuckled to himself.

The girl behind him spoke.

"Where did that come from?" Her voice was familiar, but different, like everything in the damned universe. "Are you on drugs, or something?"

Rachel _fucking_ Berry. She was talking to him like she knew him, and Puck almost laughed. Because, technically, she did.

How was it that she was even hotter over here? Her hair was more thick and wavy; her lips more full. And, _damn_, that body! She looked up at him and realised that he wasn't who she expected, as he had already guessed. Her mouth dropped, and he thought for a moment she saw him checking him out right back, but if she did she was more subtle about it than he had been.

"Sorry, I thought you were… someone else…" She turned bright red and began backing away.

Puck chuckled. "That's alright. I can be whoever you want me to be."

Normally that would have sounded more sleazy coming from him, but he screwed it up and it ended up making him sound endearing. She blushed bright pink all the same, but his badass status was sinking with every word he said.

She stuttered as she continued to walk away backwards, completely distracted, so it was no surprise when she went tumbling over the mop and bucket that was left behind her.

As she was sprawled across the floor, Puck hurried forward, knowing that it was his fault, really, that she'd hurt herself. It's not that he felt bad – badasses don't feel bad, they just are bad – but this Rachel can't be that different to the Rachel from his universe, and he just couldn't deal with all that crazy.

He effortlessly helped her up, and she looked up at him gratefully.

She let go of his strong hand, almost unwillingly, and brushed off her bum, wincing as she did.

"You okay?" Puck couldn't help but let a little bit of humour seep into his voice.

Rachel bit her lip as she looked up at him. "Uh, yes, uh… it's just…"

Puck pulled out his smirk-pout that he knew always had girls weak at the knees. Maybe if he couldn't get the Rachel he knew into bed, he could use his charms on this one.

"Would you like me to take a look?"

Rachel, much to Puck's surprise, turned and looked at her butt, curving her back so that she could look as much as possible, and in doing so tensing all of the muscles in it perfectly. "I think it's okay, just a bit sore probably."

Puck just stared down at it; it was the perfect size and shape, especially beneath the tight jeans she had on. "It looks great."

She suddenly realised what she was doing and smacked her hands down on it in an attempt to cover it. In doing so, it looked just like she was slapping her ass, and Puck had to physically hold himself back. This Rachel was much less confident than the other one, and he kind of liked it. It made her seem like a baby deer, naïve to the world around her, and that was sure as hell kinky.

Blushing again, Rachel decided to distract herself from her embarrassments and stuck out her hand. "I'm Rachel. Rachel Berry. I don't think I know you from school…"

Puck smiled, and her blush deepened. "Nice to meet you, Berry."

He took her hand and shook it slowly, meeting her eyes and locking them with his.

She looked expectant. "Can I ask your name?"

His smile morphed into a smirk. "You can ask, but I don't think I'll tell you."

She looked intrigued. "And why's that?"

"Maybe," Puck slowed down his words and moved closer, making his voice come out as a whisper. "Maybe I want to see if when we meet for a second time, you're interested enough to ask again."

He stepped back, moving away much more steadily than she had, and mixed in a knowing look with his usual smirk. She watched him go in awe, and as soon as he was out of sight, she let out a sigh.

Puck made his way over to Kid to save him from the crazy old lady. Only he could be friends with a random old woman.

"Sorry, ma'am, but I'm going to have to steal my friend here. We really ought to get going. His mom is waiting for us." He gave her the best good-boy smile he could manage with a Mohawk and dragged Kid away by the wrist.

He continued chuckling to himself for the rest of the time they were in the store, gathering the various items his mom had written on the list. Kid's mom. _Kid's_ mom, not his.

Kid glared at Puck. When he felt the daggers coming from Kid's eyes digging into the side of his neck, he turned to see why.

"What?" He glared back, never one to be outdone.

Kid shook his head. "I still can't believe you made me do that."

Puck laughed and faced forward again. "I still can't believe you are into dungeons and dragons!"

Kid frowned. "I told you it's cause I was lonely…"

"Yeah?" Puck looked over to Kid. "Well neither dungeons and dragons or being lonely is badass, so there's no more of that shit."

Thinking through it, it was probably best to follow Puck's instructions (orders, more like), seeing as he knew exactly what he was doing. And Kid was fed up of being the loser that everyone picked on; it had gotten so bad that Finn would find him outside of school to pick on him.

While Puck seemed to have a very similar mind frame to Finn, he was on his side, and they could probably use that to their advantage.

Puck let out a puff of air. "Dude, I can hear you thinking from over here. Just give me a break and dial down the nerd stuff. There's only so much I can do."

Kid wasn't quite sure how he could do that. Anyway, what he'd said just proved his point. He knew what he was talking about, and he was going to help Kid.

Puck grunted. "You're doing it again."

"What do you expect me to do? I can't just turn my brain off!" Kid snapped.

Puck raised an eyebrow, and Kid immediately looked apologetic, remembering that he could in fact snap his head off if he so chose.

"Okay, the rules are, you can only think about girls, for now, and only in a sexual way. Don't get too excited, or you may end up finding those a bit uncomfortable." Puck gestured to Kid's pants.

Kid's ears went red, and Puck laughed before reaching up to flick them. "Another good reason for this rule: you learn to act cool."

Kid nodded. "I get it; emersion is the best way of learning."

Puck screwed up his nose. "Also, no more using words that are that screwed up. Saying things like 'emersion' will never help you, so stick to the basics. Especially around me, cause I don't know if you noticed, but I'm exactly book smart."

Kid guffawed. "I noticed."

Puck rolled his eyes. The kid guffaws, for Christ's sake.

"No," Puck agreed, "I just know about important stuff. Like how to make a load of money doing basically nothing, all because some rich cougars want to have sex with you. And how to run an entire school on fear alone. I know that chicks dig nipple rings and Mohawks, and they'll rarely admit it, but there's nothing hotter to them than a badass. I also know that you are a virgin."

Kid froze mid-step, and when he recovered a moment later, he had to run to catch up with Puck when he didn't stop. "How the hell do you know that?"

"No guy who's had sex blushes when someone mentions it."

Kid was speechless.

"So, do as I say and I'll have you ruling the school before you know it."

Kid decided at that point that Puck was, in fact, a supernatural being with the unmatched ability to…

Puck slapped him across the chest, and Kid caught on quickly.

Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs…

* * *

When they got back to the house, Evette had insisted that Noah take a shower while she washed and dried the clothes he had on. After all, he was supposed to have hitchhiked across the country, with no money and definitely no chance to bathe.

So, Puck agreed, and Kid took this chance to do some studying and some homework. He knew there was no way Puck would ever _let_ him do this, and while being a badass was suddenly very important to him, Kid figured it couldn't hurt to do well at school as well.

This was when Rachel burst in and threw herself onto his bed with a huge sigh.

"Rach?" Kid smiled.

They'd known each other well enough and long enough to just let themselves into each other's houses. His mom thought of Rachel as her daughter, which was good because her lack of a mother meant she needed a female role model.

"Noah. I'm in love!" She sighed again and put a hand to her heart.

Kid laughed, now. "O-kay. Who with this time? Or is it still Daniel Craig?"

Rachel pouted. "Not all of my crushes are actors." She rolled onto her front and shuffled so she was facing him. "I met him in the store today while I was buying sanitary towels–" Kid gasped and said 'Rachel' "– and he said something _so_ funny and I laughed, and then I fell over a bucket" (pout) "and he helped me up."

"So now you're in love with him." Kid stated matter-of-factly.

Rachel sighed and nodded. "With all of my heart."

Kid couldn't help but laugh. No doubt he was somebody passing through and she would forget him by tomorrow; she was so fickle, but she made it work for her.

"He was very attractive, and he had a t-shirt on that was tight enough that I could see he was stacked. His lips were _really_ pouty and he had this sexy Mohawk, which – while normally I would find it immature and generally in bad taste – it completely suited his skull shape." She sighed again, as Kid slowly thought through her description. "And he had very nice arms, and that is surprisingly important, I've found."

From the doorway, a voice made Rachel's heart skip a beat and sink at the same time. "He sounds dreamy."

Puck smirked from where he stood, leaning against the doorframe, wearing a towel around his waist. Water streamed down his chest, and Rachel couldn't help but follow a droplet as it trailed from his collar bone, around his left nipple (was that a nipple-ring?) and bounced over each of his ripples. She daren't imagine what was beneath the towel.

Even she couldn't have predicted what came out of her mouth next. "He was. I hope I get to meet him again. He never told me his name."

She had to stop herself from gasping; she was never this confident and forward.

Puck smirked. "Why was that?"

She – in another uncharacteristic move – smirked right back. "He seemed to think it would make me interested in him."

"How's that working out for him?" He asked, still holding his face in the flirty position.

Rachel smiled a genuine smile. "As far as I can tell, it's working out pretty well so far."

They locked eyes.

Rachel spoke first. "So what's your name?"

"Berry, _you_ may call me Puck."

They stared at each other for a minute, before Kid spoke up.

"So, Rach, you'll never guess who Puck is?" Kid jumped up, excited. Looking way too much like a five year old for Puck to deal with right now.

Puck quickly interrupted Rachel's answer.

"Kid, can you show me where my clothes are?" He asked, encouraging Kid to follow him out of the room.

As he did, he was fairly sure he saw Rachel remember that he still didn't have any clothes on, and rake her eyes over his toned, wet body, maybe even letting out a sigh when she thought they were out of earshot.

Kid started to lead Puck to the stairs. "My mom usually puts clean clothes by th–"

Puck tapped him around the back of the head. "I know where my clothes are, douche bag, I've lived here all of my life, remember? I brought you out here because you were about to tell her the truth!"

"Rachel?" Kid looked confused. "Why can't I tell her?"

Puck was getting angry at how stupid this puny version of himself was being. He wondered if this was what it was like for his teachers when they tried to teach him academic stuff.

"Uh, one, she'll think we're crazy." He counted them off on his fingers. "Two, she could tell someone, and three, she'll think we're _crazy_!"

Kid chewed on the inside of his cheek. "So you're saying I shouldn't trust her."

Puck nodded. "Dude, you shouldn't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die."

Kid's eyes widened as he realised what he meant, and then, just to change the subject, he went on. "She's my best friend, she wouldn't tell!"

Puck shook his head. "She was the one who let loose that I was the father of Quinn's baby to Finn, so she was pretty much the reason I got a fist in the face."

Kid was obviously still unsure. "But I've never lied to her."

Puck nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, steering him back towards the bedroom. "Then she won't suspect you. Go in there and lie through your teeth. I'm your cousin, and I'm living here for a while." He shoved him through the door. "Go!"

As he stood outside the door listening to Noah reel off the story he'd fed his parents about the situation with his mother 'kicking him out' to Rachel, he muttered to himself. "Lesson two: lying, complete."

* * *

_Cool beans. REVIEW! please._

_PS would like to thank urban dictionary for some of the lines._


	5. Chapter 5

_Yeah, so more Puckleberry goodness. Is it just me or is that the most awesome couple name ever? _

Rachel had decided to leave after Kid had lied to her. Not because he'd lied to her; she had no idea. She told Kid it was because she thought she'd embarrassed herself in front of (quote) "the sex God that you are somehow related to", all while Puck was listening in from outside the door. He gotten back his now very clean clothes, so he didn't really have a reason not to come in. He just liked hearing people talk him up when he wasn't there, and Rachel was practically drooling over him.

She then of course proceeded to crash into Puck as she left Kid's room, while he pretended (to keep up the appearance of being a cool and collected badass) that he was just coming back.

He engineered this little bump so that she landed on top of him, her light frame barely touching him as he supported her entire weight in his 'very nice arms'.

He laughed as she turned a whole new shade of red. "Just can't stay away from me, can you?"

He loved making her squirm. The Rachel he knew never lost her words, making it all that much better. He liked this Rachel more, but in a way that meant he'd find it easier to sleep with her.

Still, she conjured up a retort. "It would seem you walked into me."

She knew for a fact that she had actually walked into him, but there was no way she was going to let him walk all over her. She was no pushover.

Actually, she was. She'd never, in her life, felt so confident talking to a boy – apart from Noah – especially with one that she like-liked. He still caught her out occasionally, like the entire encounter in the store.

"Well, I should do that more often." He smirked and ever-so-slightly relaxed his arms so that she moved closer to him, making it seem like it wasn't on purpose.

Rachel barely concealed a gasp. She was like Bambi learning to walk. It was hilarious, and… strangely endearing.

"Great balance, Berry." He teased.

Rachel blushed. "I usually do have good balance. I'm a dancer, so I'm also quite flexible."

Puck panicked a little when he saw the look in her eye, thinking that maybe she might be about to jump him, but he played it cool and gave an indifferent smile.

Puck then decided that while she didn't know of his reputation with girls and she was a different, more naïve version of the Rachel he knew and hated (really _really _hated), well, she probably still wouldn't sleep with him, and that's all he was interested in.

Yeah.

He carefully (he didn't want to hurt her; Kid seemed to like her) lifted her up and helped her into a kneeling position, revelling in how long it was taking for her to calm down her breathing and lose the pink tinge in her cheeks. He still had it.

Of course he did, studs _can't_ just lose it.

He pushed himself up, jumping up athletically and instantly gaining his balance so that he could flew his arm muscles again as he pulled her to her feet. She still seemed a bit dazed, and he was getting a bit annoyed at how much he was enjoying it.

"You going now?" He asked lingering in the doorway as if he was scarcely interested.

Rachel still seemed confused, and he considered that maybe she'd actually hurt herself in the fall, but then she spoke. "Uh-huh."

Okay, so 'spoke' was putting it loosely, but at least she was responding. He had this effect on most Puckerone first-timers.

"Alright." He gave a (gay) wave and went into the bedroom.

By the time he reached the chair – the bed was taken by Kid's cumbersome limbs (he really needed to bulk out a bit) – Puck had decided that maybe it was time he took the flirting thing down a notch. It would be weird if they hooked up; Kid would still be friends with her, and she'd still be around. Plus, he didn't like how he was starting to think about her a little too much. So, he chose to become friends, seeing as his usual dodge of avoiding her at all costs wasn't an option here. He'd just have to get used to the erratic heart behaviour and odd feeling at the bottom of his stomach he'd pegged as being some serious attraction.

Therefore, when he was seated, his mind was (practically) free of Rachel thoughts, and open to schemes he would put into place in this universe. Firstly, he would set up a money-maker. Secondly, he needed a fresh crowd of the female variety, which – seeing as nobody in the entire universe had met him and his wicked moves before – should be in large supply. Thirdly, and finally, he needed to build his rep; that wouldn't be an issue. He'd already figured out that he'd have no problem doing that in his own universe, so…

Suddenly, a thought struck Puck. He kicked Kid awake.

"Hey, Kid?" He didn't wait for the scrawny boy's reply before continuing. "The whole bet idea… D'ya think it could have been something about what I was already thinking?"

Kid looked confused by his lack of sense.

"Like," Puck elaborated, "Could the bitch have picked up on a bet I kinda made with myself?"

Kid thought for a moment. "I guess… Why, what bet did you make with yourself?"

"That I could build up my rep from the ground floor."

Kid nodded. "Sure. That could be it."

He still sounded unsure, though.

Puck rolled his eyes. "What?"

Kid shrugged. "It's just, normally someone – or something, I guess – with the power to send you here would do it for a reason, you know, to teach you a lesson."

With a casual laugh, Puck was confident. "She doesn't think I can? _You_ don't think I can?"

Quickly, Kid shook his head. "That's exactly it. You're _not_ at the ground floor, are you? You still have your looks, your way with girls… strength, being a badass…" Jealousy that Puck knew and loved filled his eyes. "It just doesn't seem, I don't know, justified."

Puck sighed. "I think I know what you mean."

They were silent as they tried to piece together the mystery the strange woman had laid out for them.

From what seemed like out of nowhere, Puck spoke up. "I need to run some errands tomorrow. You know, around town n'shit."  
Kid looked dubious. "You've only just arrived in the universe. What jobs could you need to do?"

Puck laughed. "Exactly."

* * *

"Can I come with you?" Kid sounded like a five-year old.

In fact, give him a slightly lower voice and pigtails and he'd sound like a five-year old girl. Puck smirked.

"No." He put his hand on the door handle, ready to leave. "I've got to settle into this universe on my own. And stop acting like a lapdog, Kid, it's starting to piss me off."

Puck closed the door on Kid's hurt face.

He didn't particularly want to cause that expression, but Kid seriously needed to man up. How was he supposed to do it when people he liked pussy-footed around him like he was a baby. Taking insults in your stride (the ongoing lesson 3 Puck had chosen the night before) was just part of being a badass, and Puck wasn't willing to spend to much time training the kid up while he looked worse and worse standing next to the nerd that he was.

He'd convinced Kid to let him use his damn Bug the night before, telling him he was sure he wouldn't crash or anything. He wasn't about to look like a chump walking everywhere just so the Kid could get a kick out of seeing his, well, his rust bucket in the driveway. In fact, Puck himself was actually having second thoughts. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be seen in this… which gave him an idea.

Puck missed his truck, and there was no way he was going to get to and from school everyday for God knows how long in that pile of crap. So it was decided. The first stop on Puck's tour of the alternate Lima was Gene's Car Barn.

He pulled into the parking lot and grabbed as much crap as he thought Kid would want to keep, before making his way into the building. He glanced up and checked that he was at the right place; he wasn't sure just how different things were here.

Apparently very different. He did a double take and saw that the giant faded black letters on the side of the building said "Jane's Car Barn". He laughed, and walked in, ignoring the fact that he'd just dropped a bobble-head; he would have made Kid get rid of it anyway.

"I'll be with you in just a sec!" A very feminine voice shouted out from behind the desk.

Apart from the girl being in here, everything was just as he remembered it. Exactly like the first time, in fact, because there – in the corner – was the red Ford pick-up truck that Puck had loved the minute he saw her.

The woman who stood up a moment later was nothing like Gene. She had a tight grey vest on underneath a blue jumpsuit that was tied around her waist. It had slipped slightly and was exposing a small part of her midriff. She flipped back her thick, breast-length, red-brown hair and started to look around for her customer. Maybe aged somewhere between 25 and 30, there was no doubt she was in her prime, and exactly Puck's type. This had to be Jean.

Puck rolled his shoulders in anticipation, knowing exactly how much she'd drool over him when she saw him. He flexed his biceps just as she turned to spot him, and made sure he wasn't looking at her when her eyes fell upon him.

He could tell by the moment of silence that Jean was 'appreciating' him, and he swivelled his head to face her, allowing a smirk to reach his lips when he saw her mouth drooping slightly.

"Hi?" Puck let his usual air of arrogance sink in.

He'd had been acting way to nice around Kid, and he needed to be a little gangsta-boy meets sex god – for his own sake if nothing else.

She stuttered back, her eyes still resting on his tight (according to Rachel last night) T-shirt. "H-hi." She smiled gormlessly for a moment before she realised he was a customer. "Oh, um. May I help you?"

Puck nodded. "I'm interested in a few things…" He made a point of looking her up and down.

Jean blushed and asked, all flustered, "Like what?"

Puck gave a cheeky grin, a trick he'd learnt made all kinds of women (like Rachel, probably) putty in his hands. He purposefully hesitated for just a second, plenty of time for her to speculate about his motives.

Just as she was most likely about to proposition him, Puck spoke up. "Well, I'm interested in that car over there…"

He gestured to his baby, and she looked over, surprised. "It needs a bit of work, and–"

She cut herself short and bit on her lip. No matter how fucking hot this boy was, he was much younger than her, _and_ he was a customer. Telling him that it needed work would only lower the price.

"$2000." Jean stated, the appeal of the younger boy quickly fading in place of money.

Puck smirked. Maybe she was a little bit like Gene. "No way! I'll give you $450…"

She went to protest – okay, it wasn't worth $2000, but it was easily more expensive than $450 – when he held up his hand to stop her.

"_And_ the Bug in the lot." He gestured to the parking lot, and she followed his gaze to the car just outside the door.

With a nod, she agreed. "Deal."

He walked over to her, making her remember her previous attraction to him. "I need a few days to get some money together. I'll leave you with the Bug and I'll take the truck?"

She shook her head. "I need something to ensure you'll come back."

Puck thought for a second. Maybe he should have brought Kid…

Out of nowhere, Jean piped up. "I have a lunch break coming up… Tell you what, you – uh – spend some time with me, and I'll call it an even $100. Bug for truck: practically a straight swap."

Puck couldn't believe that the older women here in this universe were so deprived of Puckerone-like lovin' that they were prepared to practically pay him for sex. He had the $300 Noah's mom had kindly given him for clothes and other necessities, but there was no way he'd need all of that. This was definitely working out for him.

He chuckled. There was no way Rachel would approve.

Nonetheless, he walked over to the door and flicked the bolt. He turned back to face her and almost gasped as she was right in front of him, lips locking together instantly. However, gasping wasn't a badass thing to do, so he drew in a ragged breath and threw himself down the on hot puma's neck.

* * *

Thirty minutes of heaven (for Jean, that is; Puck had better) later, Puck was driving down the road in his – well, Kid's technically – new truck. The only difference that was facing Puck as a problem was that the engine needed a lot more than a little work.

It was currently making a fucked up whirring noise and had taken 5 attempts to start. The thing was rooted, and Puck needed some money to buy parts, or he knew Kid was going to flip and make him take it back.

His next step would have to be some serious cheddar-making system.

So, he found himself in an Alpha Graphics store, the newly drying 'Pool Cleaning Service' flyer in his hand. It wasn't the most original thing in his world, but over here it would be all new – he was sure – and he knew it would provide for him with minimal effort.

He heard a familiar voice and looked across the queue with a smile.

"I just want twenty-five copies! I don't want fifty, I don't want one hundred; I want twenty-five!" Rachel Berry's voice rose above the quiet murmur of the printers and photocopiers as she argued vehemently with the member of staff she'd met at the counter.

Puck chuckled and watched the scene unfold.

"Miss, I can't do that. The minimum copy is fifty, and that's $20." He sounded like this was the last place on earth that he wanted to be.

Rachel let out an angry puff of air. "But I just. Want. Twenty-five! Can't you charge me $10 for them?"

The guy shook his head. "It's not allowed."

"It's ridiculous." Rachel said. She was started to sound a bit resigned, which was nothing like the Rachel Puck knew and… put up with. He didn't like the way it made his chest hurt; she seemed so helpless. He found that she had this effect on him occasionally; like, whenever she wasn't sure of herself. Must be pity.

Puck was at the front of the queue now, so he figured he'd jump to the rescue. He wasn't sure who exactly he was rescuing at this point, but he walked over nonetheless.

He patted her gently on the shoulder, and she waved him away.

"I'll just be a second." She answered without looking at him, before she squared her shoulders and aimed a glare at the guy over the counter. "Look–"

Puck rolled his eyes at her stubbornness and put a hand either side of her, picking her up by her upper arms and gently placing her about three feet to the right. She gasped as he did, and was about to turn and protest when she saw who it was and he sent a wink her way. Damn, he was supposed to not flirt with her…

He faced the worker. "We'll take the fifty copies, and I'll have 300 copies of these."

He threw the flyer on the counter, and the guy grabbed the two pages and hurried away, glad to have an excuse to leave.

Rachel was pouting when Puck turned to face her. "What was that?"

Puck shrugged. "You were taking forever, and I'll pay the difference. It's ten bucks, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal," Rachel pulled herself to her full height, which was pretty measly, "is that those are my news letter, and I can only just get rid of twenty-five of those things. How am I gonna do fifty?"

Puck answered straight away, but what he said surprised the ever-shrinking badass within him. "I'll help you."

Clearly he'd forgotten to tell his mouth that he wasn't trying to sleep with her any more, and that he should stop with the nicey-nice.

"You don't have to do that." Rachel looked flustered, perhaps unused to help.

Puck had the uncomfortable feeling in his gut again – pity for her pathetic… ness, he reminded himself. "Sure I do. Why wouldn't I?"

He should have his manhood removed.

"Thank you." She smiled, her eyes lighting up. "But… can't I help you with something?"

Puck smirked; he wasn't sure she actually wanted to. "Sure, if you're interested in handing out flyers all day and getting some new clothes n'shit. I have literally nothing to wear but the clothes on my back."

Rachel nodded. "Shopping. Every girl's favourite past-time. Of course I'll help you! We'll do yours first, and maybe do mine today if we have time, or tomorrow if not."

Puck smiled. She _did _want to come… He looked closely at her face when she wasn't paying attention to him. She had that glow about her that he knew very well; she totally had the hots for him.

And she wasn't exactly bad-looking herself. He was about to do something about the raw magnetism between them when the staff member dropped the papers on the desk and reeled off the price. Puck threw down the money and grabbed his pile, rebuking himself for falling trap to a pretty girl again. Kid was important to him, if for a roof over his head and nothing else, and he couldn't screw it up for sex.

Rachel took her much smaller pile and followed him as he absentmindedly walked out of the store. They were quiet as Puck patiently waited for Rachel to put hers in her car. She locked it and hurried to his side, where he was staring at what she thought was space, but was actually the girl on the opposite side of the road with an extremely short skirt.

Rachel eyed the pile of flyers in his hand and hid a giggle when she saw their contents. Puck turned back to her and realised what she was looking at.

Puck frowned. "The pool cleaning business happens to be very well-paid."

Rachel bit her lip and nodded. She had really full lips.

"I need the cash! I just got a new car." He lied; technically it wasn't his.

Rachel raised her eyebrows, and it may have just been in surprise, or for no reason at all, but Puck saw disbelief and suddenly felt the need to confess everything.

"Well," he began, nervously gauging Rachel's reaction to his words. "I just got Kid a new car."

Rachel laughed. Loudly. In fact, a passing elderly couple – probably from the era of grace and subtlety – gave them a dirty look.

"Keep walking, Gramps." Puck waved them along.

Rachel continued laughing.

Puck was worried. "Do you think I should take it back?"

Why was he acting like such a pansy? He shook it off. Even if she said yes, he wouldn't. Probably.

"Oh, hell no! It's the best thing you could have done for him." She shrugged. "That pile of junk has been weighing him down for years." Blushing when he smirked at her, she quickly added. "You probably should have, ya know, let him know before, or something…"  
Puck continued his shameless staring and smirking at her, and she fidgeted under his ruthless scrutiny.

"Sorry." She finally added, trying to stop the silence that she'd found uncomfortable, and he'd been using to analyse her (compare her to the other Rachel, actually). "I tend to be a bit blunt sometimes. I forget that some people aren't used to that."

Puck quickly shook his head. "I don't mind, actually. It's pretty awesome that you can just say stuff like that. Most people pussy out and end up complimenting somebody."

Rachel smiled; pleased he wasn't put off her. "I've always been like that. It's why I don't have a huge number of friends. To be honest, I think the only reason Noah ever talked to me was because I was the only one to tell him that he had a hunk of tomato stuck to his face after lunch. Everyone else just laughed at him."

Puck laughed; Kid never really had a chance. "I think I would have laughed too."

Rachel nodded. "Oh, I did, I just told him why I was laughing afterwards."

Puck couldn't help wonder to himself why he'd decided not to try and get in this girl's pants, and then he remembered the 'friends with Kid' problem, and shook himself out of it.

"Anyway, we'd better get going if we're gonna get anything done today." Puck indicated towards his truck and led Rachel over to it.

She gaped at it. "You swapped his Bug in for this?"

Puck swallowed. He'd been afraid of this.

"It's great!" She went over to it and peeked into the back. "I love these so much, like, all pick-up trucks!"

With a chuckle, Puck dumped the papers into a handy storage box in the back so that they wouldn't go everywhere, and then opened the door for Rachel to get it. She put her foot on the step, which Puck honestly would have thought she couldn't reach, but apparently being a dancer meant she was _very_ flexible. Damn, not sleeping with her was going to be harder than he'd originally thought.

* * *

_Please review! I love your guys' feedback!!!_


	6. Chapter 6

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my bff and f and f and f, Matt ;D LY! Sorry I didn't reply to your texts sooner!

* * *

"What's your favourite colour?" Rachel asked suddenly.

Puck shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I don't really have one."

Letting that go, Rachel moved on. "Okay, do you prefer dark colours instead of light, or bright, colours?"

Puck shrugged again, leaving it at that this time.

Getting annoyed, Rachel made a final attempt, her impatience with him apparent from her tone. "What style of clothing do you like?"

Figuring he'd probably get his head bitten off if he shrugged again, Puck answered, "I'll know when I see it."

Looking appalled, Rachel let out a frustrated huff. "How am I supposed to help you buy clothes if I don't know what you like?"

Puck smirked, knowing he shouldn't flirt, but he couldn't help it. "Well you could go by my body-shape. You know, size me up and pick something nice out. Isn't that what you girlies usually do?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Girlies?"

Yeah, Puck flashed a glimpse at her contemptuous face. "That's what you are; of the female kind? Or do you have something to admit?"

Rachel blushed and stammered a denial.

Letting out a snort of laughter, Puck focused again on the road. A moment later, he noticed that Rachel was being unusually quiet, and he glanced over at her.

She was pouting heavily – though not in the 'feel sorry for me' way, you know, the way that actually makes you feel sorry for them – and had her arms crossed tightly across her chest. While this pushed her breast up perfectly, revealing just the right amount of cleavage, Puck had a feeling that wasn't why she was doing it (although to get his attention, it had been known). She had her jaw locked in an awkward position, and she looked exactly how girls always looked when they were about to cry.

"Rachel?" Puck said gently.

It may not have been a badass move, but he wanted to avoid the waterworks, and he wasn't going to upset her any more by barking her name or anything.

She sniffed and bit her lip, holding it back as best as she could. "Yes?"

"Are you…" He didn't have to finish his question before he saw the tears start to overflow her eyelids and trickle down her cheeks.

Rachel quickly reached up to wipe them away, turning her face to hide the embarrassing moment.

Puck moaned. "Oh, shit, don't do that… Rachel I didn't mean it!"

He was starting to sound like the Finn from his universe; totally whipped whenever it came to a girl. He deduced that it was because it was so important that she didn't completely hate him, seeing as she was Kid's best friend and all.

Rachel shook her head. "It's not that… Well, I mean, it is…" She sniffed again, still attempting to hold back the blubbering. "It's just, all my life people have been saying how much of a man I am, and how I'm ugly… It sucks that somebody who's only just arrived in town is already in on the joke."

"No change there, then." Puck said, and immediately regretted it.

He'd been referring to the differences between their universes, but he wasn't sure how she'd take it.

Apparently, neither was she. "Wha-what do you mean?"

Puck played it cool, quickly manufacturing a lie. "Well there's always a girl who develops earlier than the rest of them and they all turn on her viscously. Did you get boobs before everyone else?"

She flushed a little, but tried to ignore the exact words he had used and nodded slowly, no longer crying so much as letting the water that was already in her eyes fall.

Puck shrugged. "There it is, then."

Rachel thought to herself for a moment, before concluding, "I guess that makes sense. Thank you for helping me feel better, even if you're making it all up."

Rachel threw herself across the car and embraced him tightly. The feel of her breasts against his arm nearly sent him weaving into the next lane, but he managed to control it so that it was just a slight swerve. Nonetheless, Rachel noticed.

She pulled back immediately and held a hang over her mouth, smiling weakly. "Oops."

"See, this is why girls are simultaneously the best and the worst things God ever made. You never know what the hell they're gonna do." He explained, releasing a peel of laughter from her full lips.

He was glad because he was pretty sure he'd never before used the word simultaneously. He sounded like such a douche.

Puck nodded, embarrassed by the situation.

Calm settled over the car, only stirring as they approached the mall parking lot. Rachel was fidgeting in her seat.

Puck put it into park and glanced over. "What?"

Rachel looked pained, as she lied, "Nothing."

"Rachel." Puck warned. "What is it?"

Rachel maintained her composure for a moment, before blurting out. "Maybe we could go somewhere else? Like across town?"

Confused, Puck complained. "But this is the best place; it's the cheapest and has the most choice. No, we're going here."

"But–" Rachel cut herself off before she gave too much away.

With a roll of his eyes, Puck turned his whole body to face Rachel now. "What's wrong with here, Rachel?"

She frowned. "Nothing. Just… crowded is all."

Puck shook his head. "That's a whole lot of fuss for nothing."

When she didn't reply, he sighed. "Seriously, we're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on."

Rachel sighed. "Okay."

Puck clapped his hands together. "Okay."

"Well, there are some… people, who… don't exactly enjoy my being here," She glanced pointedly out the window, before realising she shouldn't have and diverting her eyes.

It was too late, though, as Puck had already followed her gaze towards a group of boys hanging around the bike stands. They were smoking and laughing, clearly trying way too hard to be the type of badass Puck was without effort.

Puck shrugged. "Them? And?"

Rachel looked hurt. "And? And they tried to steal my bag last week and they tripped me over and they call me names and they follow me and…"

She trailed off, annoyed by Puck's casual shrug.

"What's the big deal?"

Rachel scoffed. "The big deal is that they single me out, and I'm scared by them. I don't know how far they'd go."

Puck sighed. "Well, if it makes you feel better, they'd never go much further than what they'd already done. They make out to be hard, but they're all bark."

"How do you know?" Rachel asked warily.

With a shrug, Puck answered plainly. "Cause I know guys, and they're a bunch of pussies."

Rachel slapped him on the shoulder for swearing, and then went quiet. Puck looked over to see her, still anxious.

"And," As he spoke, Rachel looked up hopefully, "If you still feel nervous, I'm here so they won't even think about messing with you."

Rachel giggled. "They still bother me when I'm with people. I come with Puck and my dads all the time."

Puck nodded. "And do they have guns like these?"

He pulled up his arm and flexed his right bicep.

Rachel laughed again. "No…"

Puck smiled, kindly now. "So relax. I'll protect you."

Rachel smiled back. Him protecting her: she liked that.

Realising where this was going, Puck dropped the smile quickly and jumped out of the car. He went to the back to get some flyers that he could pass out around the mall, to store owners and the like, leaning into the truck and grabbing a handful. He heard an 'oomph' from Rachel's side, and saw that she'd made an attempt at free-falling from the truck's step to the ground.

Puck chuckled. "Shrimp."

Rachel muttered something unintelligible and no doubt offensive before making her way around the truck bed to where Puck was standing.

She stared at him for a moment and he was about to ask her why when she spoke. "I'm not that much shorter than you are."

"Yes you are." To emphasise this point, Puck rested a hand on top of her head and drew a line to show she came up to his chest.

She pouted, puffing up her lips and drawing Puck's attention to them. Before his thoughts could go any further, he quickly looked towards the mall entrance.

"Shall we go then?" He nodded in answer to himself.

Rachel led the way, still piqued by his comment about her height, while Puck paused to lock the box in the back of his truck and the doors. He remembered his truck had almost been stolen here in his universe a few years back because he'd left the doors unlocked; he'd caught them just before they had a chance to start the engine, but he lost a few albums he'd had laying around the floor inside. Never again would he subject his baby (though technically this was Kid's) to that kind of abuse.

As he stood adoring the truck, Rachel had gone ahead, thinking he was right behind her. She'd reached the barriers that stopped cars from crashing through the windows when she noticed a distinct lack of Puck, but a definite group of people behind her. She spun around and saw the boys that were by the bike stand in front of her. She swallowed hard.

"Rupaul!" The central leader stepped forward as the others guffawed at the unoriginal nickname he used every time they saw her. "Long time no torment."

They all sniggered again, making it out to be the funniest thing since sliced bread.

"Please just leave me alone!" She said it more as a question, pleading written across her face.

The leader feigned sympathy. "D'ya hear that, guys? She said please."

They all laughed mindlessly again.

"What d'ya think?" He continued, arrogance on his tongue. "Shall we do as she asks?"

A deep and menacing, but calm voice called out from behind the group. "I should think so, yes."

They all twirled around, still high from whatever they'd been smoking.

After regaining his balance, the leader laughed, though less confidently this time. "And who are you."

Puck shrugged. "A friend."

The leader shrugged in return. "And what are you gonna do if we don't, friend."

Puck spoke plainly, his posture, facial expression and tone remaining the same. "I'll kick your ass so hard you'll taste the shit on the sole of my shoe at the back of your throat."

Rachel smiled. She _really_ liked him protecting her.

* * *

Once the boys had ran off as fast as they could, their metaphorical tails between their legs, they'd headed straight for Gap upon Rachel's instructions.

"Gap is for gays!" Puck moaned, nonetheless letting Rachel pull him by the arm in its direction.

Rachel nodded. "It is. Both of my dads shop there."

Puck sighed. He'd had that one coming.

Rachel slowed so that she was no longer dragging him so much as steering him from his side.

"You don't react to the fact that I have two dads…" She looked up at him, intrigued.

Puck had accidentally stuck his foot in it; he wasn't supposed to know that she had two dads, and it's not exactly a regular occurrence. She must have expected him to react differently, especially considering his obvious badassness. He realised this was an opportunity to impress.

Because he wanted to impress her.

Because she was Kid's best friend.

"Should I have?" He shrugged nonchalantly.

Rachel gawped and shook her head. "It's just… it's not what people expect most of the time."

Puck frowned. "Well, Kid mentioned you had two dads. I figured it was no big deal. I mean, I can make a fuss if you want…"

Rachel went red. "No, I'm sorry. Just ignore it."

"Okay." He nodded, hiding his pleasure at her uncomfortable blushing.

They'd reached Gap, and it wasn't as bad as Puck had expected, once you looked past the masses of sweater vests. It was more expensive than he'd usually go for, but he had an excess of money, and the clothes looked like a better quality version of what he wore anyway.

Rachel was in her element.

"You'll need some of these, oh and of course some of those, and – well – isn't that nice. You _have_ to get at least three of these and–"

Puck laid a gentle had on top of the one she was currently grabbing a fifth pair of cargo shorts with.

"Don't go overboard, Berry." He took the masses of clothes she had hanging over her arm. "Let's try these on and go from there, okay?"

Rachel bit her lip and followed him silently, her excitement stunted by his sudden contact. There was barely anybody in the store, so the queue for the changing rooms was non-existent, and the shop assistant said that Rachel could go into one of the empty stalls to talk to Puck while he tried things on.

As they talked about meaningless junk while he changed, and then she evaluated each outfit (extremely honestly – brutal, even), Puck wondered if this was what it was like having a girlfriend, without the sex. Kinda like a non-romantic girlfriend. A friend who was just a girl… A friend who was a girl! Puck had never had a friend who was a girl before… And she was the one person he wanted more than anything to be more than–

He stopped himself from thinking that. It wasn't fair on him, it wasn't fair on Kid and it wasn't fair on Rachel. No more leading her on. He scolded himself for the rest of the shopping session every time he made her laugh or blush, or when he thought about her as anything other than a friend.

He put on one of the last outfits: a tight grey vest underneath an open faded red, white and dark grey checkered shirt, completed by a pair of loosely fitting jeans. Once he'd made sure he approved (and he'd tried on some of the things Rachel had chosen out that he _really_ didn't approve of) and walked out to get Rachel's opinion.

He walked out, arms spread. "Last one, what do ya think?"

Rachel looked him up and down. "It's nice…"

"But…?" She hadn't held back on judgement before, so he was surprised that she seemed to be doing so now.

She seemed wary, thinking for a moment, before a mixture of bravery and determination fell upon her face. "Maybe try it without the shirt."

Puck shrugged it off and threw it back in the changing room, before posing for her again. "And?"

Rachel bit her lip, her resolve wavering slightly, but continued. "Now without the vest…"

Puck raised an eyebrow, but complied. He pulled it off (slightly slower than he had the shirt) and threw it into the changing room. When he turned back around to face Rachel again, she was staring at his chest, her eyes dragging up and down his chiselled features. If her eyes could make noise, they would probably sound a lot like a washboard right now.

Puck felt guilty; he'd agreed with himself that he wouldn't screw this up, and this was definitely going to screw this up. The friend thing wasn't going to work if he didn't stick to it. Damn it.

"Rachel." Puck tested how far gone she was with her name.

She glanced up, in a daze, and then realised she'd just been staring at his naked chest for a minute or so, and went a whole new shade of red.

"Sorry, I…" She stuttered for a moment, unsure how to rectify herself.

Puck smirked, deciding to use humour to diffuse the situation. "Were you just trying to get a look at my boobs?"

Rachel blushed even more deeply, but giggled a little.

Puck laughed at her reaction. She was made more uncomfortable by his lack of clothing than he was.

"Okay, so honestly, without the hidden agenda, what did you think?" Back to business.

Puck felt oddly disappointed as he walked back into his cubicle and pulled shut the curtain. There was so much he could have done with those circumstances, so much he would have done with any other girl.

So many, many, very hot things…

Rachel's voice broke his train of thoughts, just in time to stop him from going back out and doing (at least) one of those things.

"I really liked that one. It suited you." He could hear her smile.

He started getting changed back into his own clothing.

"I liked that one too. So… yes pile?"

He had already put them on the pile of clothing that they'd decided he would buy, knowing that if they caused that kind of reaction out of her every time, he would lead a happy life. However, he wanted to keep the conversation going so that he would stop thinking about that kind of thing.

"Definitely yes pile." She replied.

The conversation remained polite as they paid and left the store. Puck still had some money left over, so he offered to buy lunch.

Rachel led the way – again, she must be either a very dominant creature, or considerate, because he wasn't supposed to know his way around yet.

"What do you want?" They stood there, eyeing up the different cuisines laid out around the edge of a large seating area.

Rachel frowned. "I'm not sure I should…"

"Why?" Puck asked, knowing the answer would be something about her weight.

Rachel looked up at him, and shook her head. "Never mind. I think I'll have… pizza."

Puck smiled. "Fatty."

Rachel was about to rebuke him when he held up his hands.

"I was just joking. I like a girl with an appetite."

Rachel relaxed. "Pepperoni. With a diet coke."

Puck feigned disbelief. "Okay, but I'm not sure the 'diet' is going to help."

He pinched her side and ran off towards the Sbarro before she could rebuke him.

Rachel chose a table in the centre of the food court, away from the bins and long queues, and far enough away from the edge that she would notice people coming towards her. People like Jacob Israel.

She sucked in a breath of air as the tall boy made his way towards her, leering at her as he went. He had a strange obsession with her, and she was getting really worried, especially since he started posting pictures of her when she was in her bedroom on his blog. All she could say was thank god she made sure to close the blinds whenever she was getting changed.

"Rachel." He had a really creepy smirk. "So nice to see you here, at the mall, where I happen to be."

Rachel shuddered. Everything about him made her squirm: his voice, the way he looked at her, that smirk (not like Puck's. Puck's was hot), what he said to her….

"Eugh." She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but perhaps it was for the best. "What do you want, Jacob?"

Jacob went to sit down in the chair opposite Rachel, but she quickly hooked her foot around one of the legs and yanked it back in. He laughed, quite unexpectedly, considering Rachel's glare.

"Playing hard to get?" Jacob ran a finger over the back of the chair, apparently trying to be seductive.

Rachel shook her head, not speaking for fear that the bile at the back of her throat might follow her words.

"Well," Jacob started to work his way around the table towards her side, "I think you are. I think you're playing really hard to get. But most of all, I think I'm still going to get you."

He reached her at this point, and held onto the hands that she used to attempt pushing him away as if she'd offered them to him. Leaning in, Jacob puckered up his lips and closed his eyes.

'This is it,' Rachel thought, 'My first kiss is going to be with a disgusting excuse for a boy who gives me the creeps.'

She screwed up her face and squeezed her eyes shut. She just could watch.

Suddenly, she heard a grunt and Jacob released her hands. She peeked out from underneath her eyelids and saw that he'd been dragged away by her very own white horse.

Puck practically threw him over a chair and slammed him to the ground.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" He spoke through his teeth.

No way did this punk even try and get it on with his… Kid's Rachel. Because she was his best friend.

The boy looked up at the menacing creature above him. "I… I…"

"I… I… What?" Puck mocked him, loosening his grip as he calmed down and realised how easy it would be from here to get the creep to leave Rachel alone.

"Rachel wanted it! She loves me!" Jacob freed a hand to point to her.

Puck looked over his shoulder, already confident of her answer. "Rachel, do you love this little creep."  
Rachel shook her head, a mixture of astonishment and satisfaction in her eyes. "No. I absolutely do not."

Puck turned slowly back to Jacob. "So, what do you say?"

Jacob gawked for a moment, fear etched into every part of his face. "Um, sorry."

Puck smirked. "That's better. Now leave."

He stood up and dragged the boy up by the front of his shirt. Jacob seemed to be in shock. He stood there uncomfortably, fiddling with his thumbs. Puck was pretty sure he'd wet himself.

He rolled his eyes angrily. "Get out of here, Jewfro!"

Jacob scuttled away as fast as his legs would carry him, crashing loudly into several chairs and tables along the way.

"It seems like every time I leave you, you get into some kind of trouble!" Puck laughed, finally relaxing and sitting down now that he was gone.

Rachel smiled. "Maybe you shouldn't ever leave me, then."

Puck shuffled awkwardly. "So, yeah, here's your pizza."

He shoved the tray across the table and she took the plate with her pepperoni pizza on it. She glanced at the other pizza and pulled her nose up at it.

Puck raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with my ham and pineapple?"

"It's wrong." Rachel frowned. "Food should either be sweet or savoury; never both. I daren't even think what it would taste like."

Puck's jaw dropped. "You've never tasted a ham and pineapple pizza?"

Rachel slowly shook her head. "No."

Puck shook his head. "Two things: one, you can't decide if something is wrong or not before you've tasted it, and two, you _have_ to taste it."

He grabbed the pizza and shoved it towards her. She took a bite before she'd even realised what he was doing.

Her nose turned up, she chewed once, and then she reached for a napkin and spat it out.

Puck screwed up his face. "Ew." He frowned as she looked at him, thinking. "What?"

Rachel considered something, and then reached for the pizza and took another bite. She allowed a couple of chews this time, before spitting it into the napkin again.

Puck showed mock outrage. "What are you doing?"

Rachel ran a tongue around her mouth inquisitively before answering. "I'm deciding if I like it or not."

She took another bite of the pizza.

Puck snatched back his pizza. "Well, stop wasting it!"

He pouted a little as he saw how much she'd eaten.

Rachel laughed.

Puck looked up. "You swallowed it?"

Rachel nodded, looking more proud of herself than was warranted. "I like it."

"Maybe next time decide on the first bite."

Rachel laughed again, and Puck noticed how great it sounded. Then he remembered he shouldn't be thinking like that, and stuffed a piece of pizza into his mouth, bitter.

* * *

Puck felt guilty. He'd promised to help her, and all they'd done was get him clothes and hand out his flyers. Nonetheless, Rachel had insisted that there was no point starting today, and that they could do it the next day, maybe with Kid's help.

So, he'd driven her to her house and walked her to the door because it was getting dark.

"I had a great day. Thank you, Puck." Rachel beamed at Puck as she turned to face him at her door.

Puck laughed. "You make it sound like a date."

Rachel smirked, finally feeling confident enough to make the first move into flirting. "Was it not?"

Puck paused, opening his mouth as he considered how best to put her down. He didn't want to lead her on unnecessarily.

However, Rachel took this as an invitation and stepped forward so that their bodies were almost touching. She leant towards him on her toes, her arms entwining around the back of his head so she could pull him down to her level. He could have stopped it.

* * *

_Please review! 3_


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry this took so long, I've had my exams. I hate statistics D: But anyway, I have a week off for half term, so I thought I'd let y'all know about… everything! Please read and review:_

* * *

And then she was kissing him, and he really didn't want to stop her. He placed his hands on her waist and leant down voluntarily, eagerly, even. The instant they touched, it felt like sparks were flying through her lips into his; it felt so energising. He took a breath through his nose and inhaled her scent – like roses and vanilla and musk, but more subtle. At this point, he couldn't remember what it felt like not to be kissing her.

She parted her lips slightly, using her teeth to take his bottom lip in between them and sucking slightly. Even if she couldn't sing (or didn't know she could sing) she could still use her mouth pretty skilfully, that's for sure.

When she released his bottom lip, he took the opportunity to run his tongue along her full lips and gain permission for entry. She sighed as she opened for his tongue, breathing her sweet, hot breath over him. He carefully rubbed his tongue along her teeth, evaluating every inch of her mouth before pulling back for breath, which was when she pushed her tongue into his mouth. She ran it along the roof of his mouth, sending a shiver down his spine. A girl had never done that to him before.

But this wasn't just some girl; this was Rachel. He gently, but firmly (and very reluctantly) pushed her away.

She grinned up to him, looking extremely hot all out of breath. He really hated himself.

"Where did that come from?" Puck asked.

Rachel smirked. "You told me that I should try something before I decide if I like it or not. And I _had_ to try…"

He hated how cute she sounded when she was quoting himself back to him, and he hated that he had to do this.

"We can't." He looked away from her eyes, not wanting to see the confusion and hurt he'd caused.

Rachel conveyed what he wasn't seeing in her voice perfectly. "Why not?"

Puck bit his swollen lip. "I can't screw up with Kid. He's been… I just can't do anything that might upset him."

"And making his best friend happy wouldn't make him happy?" She seemed already resigned, disappointment strong in her winded voice.

Puck shook his head. "I tend to hurt people. Where I come from I'm the love 'em and leave 'em type. I just… I don't want to hurt you. I, you know, don't want to hurt Kid, as well… I think it's just better if we pretend there's nothing between us and carry on as if there wasn't."

Puck had finally built up the courage to look her in the eye. He'd admit it; he was scared, but not like everybody else is scared of, like, spiders. He was scared of the feeling it gave him. Maybe… unsure was a better word.

Rachel frowned as he watched her think. He could practically hear the clogs whirring.

"Okay, so what if we keep it a secret?" She smiled nervously.

Puck sucked in a breath. Secret relationships were always the best, and a secret relationship with Rachel would be amazing, but…

He shook his head. "No, I need to be a good friend to Kid. I've ruined too many things in my life because I can't control myself around pretty girls. I have to draw a line and grow up at some point." And what better place to start than in an alternate reality?

Rachel sighed and bit her lip. "Could we still be friends?"

Puck smirked. "As long as there's no more springing kisses like that on me."

"Was it okay?" Rachel looked suddenly anxious.

Puck let out a short laugh. "It was a hell of a lot better than okay."

"You're just being nice." Rachel fiddled with her thumbs.

Puck took her hands. "Rachel, if I wasn't such a jerk, and if I didn't have to worry about Kid, I would never stop kissing you."  
Rachel starred at him for a moment, deciding whether or not to believe him. "It was my first kiss."

Puck's jaw dropped. "No. Way!"

Rachel nodded slowly.

"Okay." Puck realised a puff of air. "Well that sucks." Rachel frowned, but before she could say anything, Puck spoke again. "Only because that was probably one of the best kisses I have ever had, and I don't even get to stick around to see it get better."

She chuckled bitterly. "And it was interrupted by the guy telling me he didn't want me."  
"It's not that I don't want you, Rach…"

She looked incredulous, so Puck decided to prove it.

He leant in, slowly this time, the raw passion of the previous kiss replaced by a tender kind of kiss. He placed his lips gently on top of hers, moving his jaw backwards and forwards to vary the pressure. When she tried the same thing, he moaned and stepped back.

"I _really_ want you, Rachel. I just can't have you."

Without another word, he ran down the steps of her front porch and got back into the car. He instantly slumped in his seat and threw his head back, letting out a stifled yell. If Kid ever found out about that, Puck wasn't sure what he'd do.

Rachel was still standing out side her door, so he quickly started the truck (hearing some complaints from the engine) and drove away.

* * *

He sat in the truck outside the house for almost half an hour. He was so conflicted, and he was never conflicted.

Well, maybe sometimes, but never for something bigger than whether to play Halo 3 or Call of Duty. Whatever he chose was going to hurt someone: Kid, Rachel, or himself.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Kid knocked on the window of the truck, a look of outrage on his features. Puck sucked it up (he was a man, after all) and opened the door.

"What the hell, Puck?" Kid slammed the truck door shut for him.

Rachel must have called Kid. Damn it, he forgot that them being best friends meant that Rachel probably told him everything, including who she kissed.

"I can explain, Kid," he held up his hands in surrender. "Things got out of hand. I should have stopped them before it went that far. I didn't mean…"

He trailed off when he saw Kid turn towards the truck and eye it up and down disgustedly. "How could you _accidentally _trade my bug for a truck?"  
It stuck Puck that maybe Rachel hadn't told him. "Oh, the truck!"

Kid turned back to him. "What else?"

"Nothing." Puck moved on quickly. "It was for your own good, Kid."

Once he'd picked up his jaw from the ground, Kid growled (which probably should have made Puck feel happy, considering the ability to growl out words added major badass points to his status, but it didn't), "My own _good_? What? How could swapping my cheap to run bug for a rusty pile of gas-guzzling crap possibly be for my own good?"

Puck rolled his eyes. "Dude, do you want to be a badass?"  
Kid thought for a second before nodding.

"Well, this is lesson 4, having what you need to be cool."

Kid sighed. "I guess that makes sense…"

Puck was surprised he'd bought it. He'd completely bluffed it, and only just decided it was a lesson. Kid would never be ready until he called him on his bullshit.

"So, trust me, then," Puck continued, unmoved by how easily Kid believed him. "You will never get anywhere while driving the old one, and I will _not_ be seen in a bug. Not for anything or anyone." Maybe Rachel.

Following a minute of thought, Kid resigned himself to this situation. "Doesn't it need a load of work, though? Plus, I can't drive stick. How are we gonna get to school tomorrow?"

Puck shrugged. "I'll teach you, to fix it and drive it. Till then, I'll drive, and pay for parts."

"Fine." Kid frowned. "I just wish I could have said goodbye."  
"Kid. Be cool." Puck punched his arm as he gave this apparently simple order.

They went in and spent the next hour or so talking about the important things, like games and girls. They decided that, while Call of Duty and Halo were excellent games, nothing quite matched up to Mario Brothers, and the uniqueness that it provided. They also decided that Jennifer Aniston would forever be the most coveted older woman, even when she was an OAP.

The conversation then moved on to more accessible girls.

"What the _hell_ is a cheerio?" Kid said the word like it tasted bad on his mouth.

Puck furrowed his eyebrows. "A cheerleader. What do they call them over here?"

"Cheerleaders."

"Makes sense."

Kid was sitting on the swivel chair in his room, swinging it back and forth. "Why do you call them cheerios?"

Puck shrugged. "Dunno. Just kinda a thing at McKinley High a la Puck's universe."  
"Ha!" Kid let out a sharp shout and held an enthusiastic grin. "McKinley? It's called McKanley here!"

Puck raised his eyebrows lazily. "Wow, great, yeah."

With a frown, Kid complained, "Do you ever show an interest in anything? We're talking about alternate universes and you can't even be bothered to pretend to be awake."

"That's because," Puck sniffed, "It's not interesting. If you were to tell me that your lot discovered aliens or

"My lot?" Kid squinted at him.

"Yeah, the people in your universe."

"Oh, I thought you were talking about nerds." He looked down at his feet. "Cause I was gonna say that I only look like a nerd. I have to work _really_ hard to get a steady A average." He looked ashamed.

"Shit!" Puck sat forward. "Now that's something interesting. A Noah Puckerman with a grade average above a D. I'm both shocked and appalled."  
Kid nodded and looked at his hands as he fiddled with his thumbs. "I get a lot of pressure from my parents. My dad keeps telling me he expects big things from me, and my mom cries if I get less than an A on my report card."

Puck shrugged. "Yeah, my mom used to do that too, but she got tired of it after the second grade, since she could see it wasn't working. Then she resorted to threats. If this universe's version of our mom is anything like my one, she knows how to fake the waterworks."

Kid considered this for a moment. "You know, there are a lot of things that you could teach me."

Puck nodded. "Oh I know."

"Maybe…" Kid looked like he was about to go on, but screwed up his face and shook his head to himself instead.

"What?" Tired after the long, stressful day (he couldn't get that damn kiss out of his head), Puck didn't really sound like he wanted to know 'what'; he sounded more resigned to the fact that he was going to know.

Ignoring the obvious reluctance in Puck's voice, Kid went on, "Maybe I could teach you some stuff too." Seeing the look of angry horror on Puck's face, Kid clarified, "Not the same kind of stuff, but book stuff. You know, so maybe you could get better grades? It's not badass or anything, but we could do it while doing something badass and it would be good for your future…"

"I don't know, Kid…" Puck wasn't sure he was capable of studying, even with help.

Kid sat forward, enthusiastic. "Sure, it'll be just while you teach me how to be badass, you know, like a trade?"

Puck scratched his head, half deciding if it was a bad idea or not and half wondering what Rachel's butt felt like.

Feeling guilty (a rare feeling in the mess that is Noah 'Puck' Puckerman), he quickly distracted himself by answering. "I'll sleep on it."

At least that would keep his brain a little busy later on.

"I just really wanna teach you something. I could make it relate to the lessons you're giving me? Like lesson 4 – having what you need to be cool – could be related to global resources?" Kid looked eagerly at Puck for his reaction.

Puck huffed. "I said I'd sleep on it. And back to lesson 4, I got you some stuff."

He grabbed one of the bags from his pile of new clothes and handed it awkwardly to Kid, trying to avoid eye contact and ignoring the gratitude Kid was trying to convey. Kid took it from him (it was much heavier than it looked) and tipped the contents out on the bed. There were some nice jeans, shirts, t-shirts… It was different to his usual button shirt and tie or sweater vest look, but he had the feeling that was Puck's point. He was helping him look the part. On top of the pile was a pair of small weights.

"Start with those and we'll build you up. You can't be badass and have arms like twigs." Puck spat the words, trying to hide the affection.

Kid sensed this and nodded. "Yeah, good idea. Thank you."

Puck coughed, letting out a deep, manly noise from the back of his throat, and then stood up, thumping his chest. "That's fine. So, yeah…"

A knock came at the perfect time, and both boys said "Yes?" in unison.

Puck kept forgetting that it wasn't his place to invite people into this room, but Kid kindly ignored it.

Evette came in, poking her head around the door for a second before walking into the room. "Just came in to say goodnight. And to tell you that I've sorted out your place at school for tomorrow, Peter."

"Puck." Puck automatically corrected her, even though she was using his false name. "Tomorrow? I thought it was Saturday today…"

Kid shook his head. "No, yesterday was Saturday. School tomorrow."

"Damn it." Puck threw himself on his fold-out bed. "I lost a day."

Evette smiled sweetly. "Happens to the best of us, dear. Sleep well."

Puck laid his head back on the pillow as she left the room, closing the door quietly.

School tomorrow. Shit.

* * *

_Would really appreciate reviews. I love me some reviews. Especially after a long hard day of revision and exams… hint. hint. _


	8. Chapter 8

_Another short one. Just a chap to relieve a bit of stress after all my exams. Please read and review :D_It made a splutter, and a loud bang, and then there was seething silence. Kid turned his head slowly to look at Puck, who looked uncomfortable in the driver's seat.

* * *

Puck caught his action in the corner of his eye and turned to look at Kid. "What? It's your car."

Kid's teeth snapped together with an audible crack and Puck quickly pushed his foot down on the clutch and turned the key in the ignition. This time it coughed to life, and Kid decided to accept the situation as a success for now.

Puck nodded, "Well, let's go."

Kid had woken up at 7am, making a whole lot of noise for half an hour, before nudging Puck to wake him up. This had promptly gotten him a slap around the face, and he only went back at 8:30am, ten minutes before they had to leave. Puck still managed to get showered, dressed and into the car before Kid had finished his cereal, honking the horn to hurry him along. The whole escapade had made Puck think.

Considering they had identical DNA, Puck couldn't believe how different Kid was to him. Kid was always getting prepared for something, obviously wasn't used to breaking rules, he was smart, he did his homework, but most of all he was a total weed. Kid had clearly never been inside a gym in his life.

Puck had just chosen lesson 5.

Kid screeched, making Puck swerve a little and flinch away from him.

"What the hell, man?" He was wary to lean back behind the wheel and move closer to the screeching bean sprout next to him in the truck.

Kid was looking at Puck in exactly the same way as Puck was looking at him. "What are you doing; you can't use a phone!"

Puck glanced at his hand, where – sure enough – the phone he'd bought while out shopping with Rachel laid. "I'm gonna call the local gym. You need to stop being such a girl."

Kid fidgeted, antsy about what Puck was doing. "I'm not a girl."

"Yeah, you are." Puck insisted. "One, you scream like one, two, you freak out cause I'm using a phone while driving as if it's the end of the world, and three, your arms are like twigs!"

A female voice was suddenly on the other end of the line. "Hello, operator."

Puck smirked, he loved flirting with operators, they always got all hot and bothered. He'd been told he had a very sexy voice.

"Well, hello, there. I'm looking for the number of a gym in Lima, around where McKanley High School is."

In a boring, monotonous tone, she simply said. "I'm texting you the number for Spencerville Fitness now."

The line went dead and Puck frowned at the phone. Stupid women who think they're better than he is, not even flirting…

It beeped and vibrated in his hands and a number flashed up in the preview part of the text notice. Puck threw it over to Kid, who caught it impressively (although it had bounced off of his head first).

"Call the gym and book us in for an hour after school. We'll start off little and build you up."

Kid did as he asked, though he looked reluctant, and Puck wondered if he'd jump off a cliff if he asked him to. His mom – his real mom, in his universe – always used to say that, talking about how he set an example and shit. He never really listened past somebody jumping off a cliff, because it made him think about bodies splattered on the rocks at the bottom of a cliff, and whether people had to go and clear that up or if they just left it for animals to eat.

And then his mom would be angry at him because he wasn't listening to her, and she'd say "that's just what I'm talking about", even though he knew enough of what she'd said to know that it wasn't true. He kinda missed his mom.

Kid threw the phone back at Puck, but it flew past his nose and hit the window, before rattling to the floor of the cab.

Puck glanced over to a pouting Kid. "Something wrong?"

Kid huffed. "Yes. You keep just telling me what to do, and never asking me. It would be nice if you gave me a choice."  
"Kid," Puck ran a hand through his Mohawk. "You sound exactly like a chick. Either take it like a man, or stick up for yourself. If I tell you to do something, and you don't want to do it, tell me no. Fight."

"Fine." Kid perked up. "I don't want to go to the gym."

Puck laughed. "Tough, you need to go and it's vital to being a badass. Accept it or give up trying to be one."

By this point, they'd reached the school, and Kid had rolled his eyes, but essentially gotten over his issues. Puck pulled the car into the spot where he'd usually park it in his universe. McKanley High looked exactly like McKinley, only there was an 'a' in the place of the usual 'i' in the sign over the entrance. As far as he could tell, the kids were the same. He saw Matt and Mike go past, looking the same as ever, and checked out a few of the girls. He was happy to see that they were just as fine over here as they were in his universe.

Kid distracted him from his examination of the school by pulling at his arm, stopping him from getting out of the car.

"I usually park over there." He seemed nervous.

Puck shrugged. "So? We're parked here now."

Kid bit his lip. "You don't understand. Finn parks here and…"

As he said this, Finn walked up the front of the truck, Quinn underneath his arm.

Puck sighed and climbed out of the driver side door, while Kid simultaneously got out the other side. He looked much more anxious than Puck did.

Puck strutted to where Finn was. "You got a problem with me and my cousin parking here, or do you want to get your ass kicked again? This time, your pretty little girlfriend can watch."

Quinn looked as though she didn't know whether she should be insulted or flattered when Puck winked at her. Finn, on the other hand, was pretty sure that he should be enraged.

He slammed a foot forward. "Don't even think about it. You can park here, but if I catch you moving on my turf anywhere else, I will beat you into the ground." The threat sounded weird coming out of the ungainly giant's mouth.

Puck wiggled his eyebrows. "I'd like to see you try."

Finn seethed, but Quinn pulled him back. He turned to face her and slapped her hard across the face. She gasped, but otherwise said nothing. Kid and Puck were probably more shocked than Quinn herself.

"Hey man, you can't do that!" Kid stepped forward.

He quickly regretted it, however, as Finn came charging towards him. He stumbled back and fell over backwards inbetween the truck and the car next to it. Finn towered over him and laughed bitterly.

"I can do whatever I want."

Kid scowled up at his looming figure.

Puck smirked momentarily from behind him, before putting on a serious expression as he came face to face with a Finn Hudson he neither knew nor liked.

"No, you can't." Puck spoke through gritted teeth. "Touch her, or any other girl, like that again, and I will beat you into the ground." The threat was much more credible coming from him, and Finn stifled a gulp as he grabbed Quinn around the waist and tried to look cool as he stormed off.

Kid let out a puff of frustrated air.

Puck went over to help him up. "Well, at least you tried to fight this time. We're getting somewhere."

Kid dusted himself off and they headed towards the school. Puck left Kid at his locker and aimed for the office; Kid's mom had told him to go there to get his locker assignment, timetable and map (not that he'd need the last one, but they didn't know that).

School was always so mundanely boring that he couldn't help but zone out as he did all this, until he found himself standing beside his new locker – two to the right of his one in the other universe, which was Kid's in this universe – leaning next to Kid silently, when a feminine male voice burst from the end of the hall.

"That's ridiculous! There is no way in hell _they_…"

Puck turned to see the alternate universe Kurt strutting towards his direction. He was pretty much the same; girly hair, girly skin, girly fashion sense (though admittedly Puck noticed it had a little more flare than usual), shove-it-in-your-face gay… There was one obvious difference: he was black.

Beside him walked what was obviously a white Mercedes. She was just as curvy and sassy as the one he knew, only pale. Major difference in this school number one.

"You!" Kurt pointed at Puck.

Puck rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the lockers to face the small boy.

Kurt now moved his pointing figure to Kid, who looked bemused. "Are you related to _him_?"

Puck smirked. "Yeah. We're cousins."

"No way." Flicking his hair from his face, he turned to Kid. "Noah, how is it possible that you share the same genes as him, and you look like that?"

He gestured to Kid's body in disgust.

"Chillax, Beyonce!" Puck frowned down at the small, effeminate boy.

"Oh, you did not just call me that!" Black Kurt threw his hands up in apparent horror. "Why? Because I'm black you just think you ca…"

Puck rolled his eyes. "Lay off! I said it because you are acting like a diva, and don't pretend like it wasn't an honour for you to be compared to her."

He shrugged. "I guess."

"So just settle down, prima donna." Puck went back to leaning on the lockers.

Just as everyone was calming, Rachel strutted over in small, black pumps, tight skinny jeans and a white vest under an elegant and floral blue blouse that was tied around the middle. She looked beautiful, and Puck couldn't help but stand up to greet her.

Kurt got to her first. "Have you met Kid's cousin?"

Rachel smiled. "Good morning, Kurt, and yes – I have."

"How comes she got to meet him before school." Kurt pouted. "It's not fair to spring this kind of news, and perfectly-toned muscles, on a guy at the beginning of a school day. I'll be distracted all through history."

Kid shrugged. "Sorry, Kurt."

Using his finger to brush the hair out of his face, Kurt sighed. "I suppose I forgive you. But, we must show him off at lunch." He then hooked his arm through Mercedes and they walked off down the corridor.

Puck didn't really like the way Kurt looked at him, spoke about him, or decided that he was something they could use to gain status. He was already working to bring Kid up the food chain; he didn't think he could manage to drag any more clingers with him.

"Hey, Rach." Kid leaned forward to hug her.

As she leant towards him, Puck caught a glimpse down her vest to see a white lace bra concealing perfectly formed breasts that only yesterday had been pressed up against his chest as they kissed. He couldn't stop thinking about that.

Rachel turned to him once they'd broken the short embrace. "Good morning, Puck."

Puck flashed a brief, half-hearted smile, and went back to leaning on the lockers. Kid started looking back and forth between them, as they locked eyes for a moment and then quickly looked away awkwardly.

"Is there something going on between you two?"

Puck shifted uncomfortably and was about to answer, but Rachel beat him to the punch.

"No, not at all. Any attraction I felt towards him had completely disappeared." She said this meaningfully, looking directly at Puck as she did.

Sending him a message, no doubt: No longer interested.

He'd missed his chance.

The bell rang, and Rachel waved a quick goodbye and dashed off, much too quickly for Kid to consider normal, and he still had his suspicions.

"Are you sure there's nothing between you and Rach?" Kid raised an eyebrow at Puck suggestively.

"Nope," Puck sighed, popping his 'p'.

Kid's shoulders slumped, and for a moment Puck thought he was disappointed. He was already planning running after Rachel and taking her in the closet, when Kid spoke again.

"Thank _god_! Rach is so not the type of girl to love and leave, and you two wouldn't fit together." He smiled and let out a sigh (of relief).

Puck watched as Rachel walked away, around the corridor, and thought – even though he wasn't usually the type of guy to think this kind of shit – that it was kinda reflective of their situation.

Damn, he needed to tap something, and get it out of his system quick.

At that precise moment, Puck spotted something across the corridor, just a few feet from where they were standing.

The alternative universe Santana was bending over the water fountain, tan flesh peeking out from beneath the slits in her blue cheerleader uniform.

He bit his lip, and decided the alternate universe Santana can't be that different to the one he knew, so he had better just go for it. "Damn, you are fuxy, girl." He didn't pause before he went on, but he started to make his way over to her. "And, in case you were wondering, that is fuck, and sexy, all there in one word."

Santana stood up slowly, her shoulders tense. She very gradually started to turn around.

As she did, she spoke through what sounded like gritted teeth. "You little creep, Nerdalot. I can't believe the nerve you…"

She trailed off when she saw Puck, his body, and his bemused look (no way was she actually talking to _him_). Confusion touched the edges of her sneer.

"I thought…" She spotted Kid around Puck, and pointed to him. "I thought you were him."

Puck shrugged. "Easily done, we are cousins. I forgive you. Now, back to your outrageous flirting.,,"

Santana giggled, and that was the first sign that she was not the same Santana. The one he knew would have either blown him off or told him to go into the stock cupboard and take off his pants. Maybe this would be easier.

He moved closer towards her, and leant his arm on the wall above her head, so that they were very close. Her breathing sped and she started looking at his lips every few seconds.

"So what do you say you and I go somewhere and bang out the obvious raw, animal attraction we've got going between, because I–"

"Excuse me?" A spaced out voice came from over his shoulder, and he slightly reluctantly turned to see who it was.

There stood a blonde cheerleader with a dazed expression. It could have been Brittany. Except that it was a guy.

"That's my girlfriend." He said it more like it was a question, but nonetheless Santana walked over and wrapped her arm around his waist.

Puck sighed. "Sorry, man."  
"No problem." He smiled.

Puck smirked a little; he'd have found it a problem. "I'm Puck."  
"Brett."

Puck laughed. So, in this universe, Brittany was a guy. And, Santana was his girlfriend.

Maybe it was more different to his universe that he'd originally thought.

* * *

_Thanks, and please review. Every little helps. :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Hey all. I know it's been a SUPER MAJOR REALLY_ _LONG TIME, RIGHT? I KNOW! __aha. Anyway, boredom and guilt and surprise at the resiliant interest in this story led me to decide to write a bit more. Can't commit to doing a whole lot more, but the passion has been inspired and I'll prob go for a few chaps, what d'ya say, eh? Oh, dear. _

_Well, enjoy!_

* * *

Puck smirked and folded up the seventh girl's number he'd been given that day, tucking it neatly in his pocket with the rest. He. Was. A. Stud.

Third period, and he was already set up with chicks for a week. Hell, he'd only had to ask for two of the numbers, the rest were either shoved into his hand or offered. Damn, he liked this universe.

Of course, all of this female attention got him a different kind of male attention, varying from admiration and comradery to hatred. Those who had previously considered themselves 'well-in' with the ladies were being dramatically upstaged, and Puck found himself at the end of many an objectionable look.

God, he'd been spending too much time thinking about Rachel. Now his thoughts were starting to sound like her. Or like Kid… Yeah, it must be Kid he was starting to talk like, 'cause he was over Rachel.

Way over her.

But what he'd give to be under her…

What was he doing? Oh, yeah, he had a load of girl's numbers tucked in his pocket… All of which he suddenly wasn't quite as enthusiastic about anymore. He told himself it was because he didn't have time, what with working his way to the top of the school, and the fact that he'd be back in his world soon enough, so there'd be no point in building up a little black book anyway…

He shook himself out of his daze in time to realise that he was about to get slushied. He could feel it in the air. Ever since he'd felt the cold slam of ice and syrup on his face, he'd learnt to notice the way the average student stander-by reacted to the slushying of one of the unfortunate few receivers.

It starts when the cup is first spotted. It tends to be a nerd that eyes the prospect of a slushy facial to start with. They're always more aware, because more often than not, they're a possible target. They react by flinching their eyes shut, and screwing up their face expectantly, tucking their hands into fists and curling up into their bodies.

Next, the students who haven't ever felt the shame of a slushy dripping down their faces notice. (The ones that probably won't ever feel it, either, because they're too damn average to be considered interesting enough to go out of your way to buy a slushy in order to throw it at them.) They tend to huddle together, avoiding eye contact with the throwers and the throwees.

Finally, and most obviously, the top tier kids realise what's going on. This is the biggest give-away, because every single one of them will lean in and grin. Some may even get in a preliminary laugh.

Now, as he'd been so zoned out thinking about Rachel (and other stuff, as well…), Puck had unfortunately come in at this last stage, so he had little time to react. Especially because the bastard was obviously trying to get the sneak on him by coming at him from behind.

In one smooth motion, Puck ducked, span around and threw his arm out, ready to grab at the hand of the offender. His fist encircled one lanky giant's arm in time to tilt the cup away from Puck and towards Finn, who – in a panic – lashed out in an attempt to still cover Puck in the sticky ice. A failed attempt that ended in quite the opposite.

In five seconds, everything had turned around, and Finn was slinking away, covered in slushy – much to the amusement of everyone in the hallway.

And so began Puck's reign.

* * *

Kid sat with his hands on his head, gaping across the cafeteria at Puck and his crowd of about twenty girls. Girls, it seemed, that had already all fallen in love with Puck. Girls, in fact, that Puck was bringing this way.

Kid quickly tucked his arms under the table, then laid them on top, and then bent so he could casually rest his head on his hands. Then he realised he could be doing something with them, and he dug into his backpack and yanked out his lunch, which quickly spread itself all over the table (and under it, as well, actually) when the brown paper bag ripped on its way past the zipper.

By this point, a resigned Kid looked up to the recently arrived Puck and his horde of giggling girls. Puck sighed.

He turned to the girls, who all smiled attentively, as if he were the only human being in the world. "Ladies, if you don't mind, I'm gonna spend my lunch break with my cousin, here. So, if you could move it along, that'd be great."

Twenty pairs of eyes simultaneously turned on Kid. If looks could kill, he'd have died a whole lot of times by now.

It amazed Kid that, despite the fact that Puck had just dismissed them like he was raised by wolves. Knowing his mother, there was no way he would have been encouraged to speak like that to women, which means it was just another intriguing difference between them.

On that note, maybe Puck had something, here.

On a whim, Kid announced, "Come on, now, girls, go away."

As if in unison, the girls' jaws dropped. After a tense few moments of wondering if Puck would defend him against a bunch of girls, they turned on their respective heels and stormed away, a few of them flashing a sexy wink or 'come hither' look back at Puck, some of them even mouthing "Call me."

Puck waited for the girls to be out of sight before dropping himself heavily onto the seat opposite Kid. "What the fuck, man? Do you _want _to be hated?"

Kid sighed with resignation. "I was trying to be like you. Like two seconds before I said anything, you spoke in the exact same way to them."

Puck smirked. "Yeah, well, they ain't in love with you yet, is they?"

Kid slapped a hand across his face.

With a laugh, Puck pulled the hand off of him. "Anyway, you didn't talk like me."

Kid's eyebrows pulled together. "How was what I said any different to what you said?"

Puck rolled his eyes. He had his work cut out for him with this one. "Well, for a start, you just repeated what I said. When I said it, it was fresh and new and potentially corky. Then, you called them girls, reminding them they are yet to be fully fledged women, and the _ladies,_" he emphasised the word, "don't like that. Finally, you told them outright you didn't want them here."

Kid shook his head. "So did you!"

"No." Puck laughed patronisingly. For a smart kid, Kid knew nothing. "I told them to move along, you told them to go away. Big, subtle difference."

Kid let his head fall back and glared at the ceiling. "Guess I got a lot to learn."

Puck simply nodded and grabbed at some of Kid's food, which was still spread out across their table.

It was at this point that Rachel pulled up a chair. Puck hadn't seen her all day, and had been so focused on teaching Kid the way to talk to women that he hadn't spotted her on her approach. This meant he had to really work to get in a full body check as she sat down, and before he realised how into it he'd gotten, he felt Kid give him a hard kick under the table. Puck looked up and shrugged as if he couldn't help it, and got a roll of the eye in return. All before Rachel had settled into her chair.

"Boys." She said curtly, nodding at Kid and purposefully not looking in Puck's direction.

Kid sighed loudly. "What is up with you two? You're acting like you hate each other, and you met for, like, two minutes!"

Puck and Rachel finally met eyes, gauging the other's reaction to this, causing too much tension for Kid. He slammed his palms onto the table, making more noise than he'd intended, sending a flash of red through his ears.

Once he'd made sure nobody had noticed, he spoke more sedately than his words were intended to be. "I'm serious, you guys."

They remained silent.

Kid looked between the two. "Shall I take a guess."

More silence.

"Fine." Kid shuffled forward. "You. He pointed at Rachel, who looked away from his angry stance guiltily. "You were initially all over him, but then you realised that he was a bit of a jerk and, hey, wait a minute, you may have to share me." Rachel glanced up, surprised. He then turned to Puck. "And you. You are annoyed by the fact that a girl, sorry, lady, has enough common sense to not fall at your feet." He raised his eyebrows knowingly. "Am I close?"

Rachel and Puck looked at each other, and decided at the same time to give him this one, muttering that yes, he was right, and they were sorry, and they'd try to move past this.

Kid smiled to himself, thinking he'd sorted out their feud. He bit into his sandwich and turned to Rachel. "Really, Puck, you'd think the rest of the female population would be enough. Let me have this _one_."

Puck gave Rachel a pointed look, but she turned away before he could see if she understood why he'd pushed her away.

"And, Rach," Kid beamed at her, giving Puck a quick glance to make sure he was paying attention (the look people get when they're about to make a joke that they want to make sure you hear), "You don't have to worry. You'll be seeing practically twice as much of me."

* * *

For the third time since they'd left the gym, Kid moaned.

Puck slapped him across the chest. "Quit it, you sound like a cat in heat."

Kid frowned and rubbed his chest. "My body aches enough as it is, thanks."

"One hour!" Puck rolled his eyes as they pulled into their drive. "You're such a pussy; can't handle one hour at the gym! It's necessary if you want to learn lesson 5: bulk up."

Kid slowly climbed out of the truck, grunting and complaining the whole way down. "That's not really a lesson, it's more of a…" It was as he was closing the door that he realised Puck wasn't getting out. "Hey, what are you doing?" Kid asked, attempting to lean into the window, but hissing as his muscles protested.

Puck shrugged. "Got some things to do."

Kid smiled, a mixture between confusion and bemusement. "For a guy from a whole other universe, you sure do seem to be busy."

Puck laughed, but simply replied with a "Yup."

He then started to back up out of the driveway, and Kid quickly shouted out. "Want me to come, and – you know – help?"

Puck was already gone, his answer either non-existent or lost in the revs of the engine.

* * *

Rachel had been sitting in front of her homework for an hour and a half with absolutely every intention of doing it. And yet, there it lay, completely untouched. Why? Because of a stupid guy and his stupid 'bros-before-hoes' ideals, which was admittedly quite endearing, but also frustrating, and–

The doorbell interrupted her internal monologue about the stupid boy Puck that she hoped she'd never see again. It occurred to her that, well, who else was it going to be at the door?

She yanked it back, the look of passive boredom ready on her face. Despite her preparation, the sight of Puck on her front porch still made her smile a bit. Because, despite the bitter disappointment it stirred within her, and despite the fact that she could still feel the tingles in her cheek from the slap across the face that his rejection had been, she'd sat up thinking about her first kiss all night, and that's what had been distracting her, really, from her homework, and now here he was, standing where they'd stood as they held each other while their lips pressed together, moving in perfect symphony. But, as happy as that moment had been, that fact that it would… that it could never happen again made her unbearably sad, and ultimately the emotions on her face balanced out by the time he span to see her leaning against the doorframe.

A moment of awkward silence that led both of them to wonder if the other was thinking about what had happened here less than 24 hours ago quickly ended when Rachel asked, "What are you doing here, Puck?"

It came out more brusquely than she'd intended, but she went with it; after all, he'd let her down…

Puck lifted the pile of newsletters that she'd left in his truck the day before, after… everything. "A deal's a deal."

Rachel's eyebrows inadvertently pulled together, creating a cute cluster of lines on her forehead that Puck had the barely controllable urge to stroke clear. "Why would you still help me? We – you and I – we're not going anywhere…"

Puck smiled weakly. "We were on our way to being friends, before, ya know, you tried to jump my bones." He pulled up one side of his smile into a smirk so that Rachel couldn't resist smiling back.

"Like you didn't want it." She laughed back.

And just like that, it was all smoothed over. Both of them would have like to say it was for Noah; that they were sorting out their differences so he'd be happy. Or even they may have claimed that they were just being polite. But really, what they both knew was that, without a doubt, the reason that they so easily moved past what had happened was that the alternative – being potentially without one another – was a much harder cross to bear.

* * *

_Hope you liked it. Like I said, my passion for this story has been renewed, so hopes you can expect another chap pretty-darn-quick-like. ;)_

_Reviews also inspire passion, if ya catch ma drift. ;O I went there! :O :O :O_


	10. Chapter 10

_So, back already. Trying to zoom through this, so hopes can expect an accelerated rate of publishing stuff yeah and stuff can't remember where I was going with this thought tired. uuuuuuu_

_Enjoy._

* * *

Rachel was still staring at him.

With a grunt, Puck turned and glared at her. "What?"

Rachel smiled at his anger. "Relax! I'm just still amazed." She looked ahead, calculating how long they had; how far away they were from her house. "Mr and Mrs Weisberg have never once even considered taking one of my newsletters, and now not only did you get them to take two and sign up for a subscription, but you got them to pay for it! For the _free_ monthly school newsletter!"

Puck chuckled. "And I'm cleaning her pool on Thursday. I'm just that god damn good."

With a nod, Rachel bit her lip. He obviously couldn't wait for this arrangement to be over.

"Don't panic." He smirked down at her, reading her face. "No matter how long it takes for us to peddle these newsletters, we'll hang out till I gotta be back at Kid's house."

Rachel couldn't hold the blatant grin back.

Puck held her gaze for a moment, but his face quickly sobered. "Rach…"

There was a long pause and they stopped. "I shouldn't be… doing this. I shouldn't…"

Rachel looked down at her feet. "Why not?" Puck opened his mouth to answer, but she interrupted him before he had a chance. "I know, I know, you think we shouldn't be together. But you know what I realised? Kid would get over it. So why not, really?"

Puck couldn't look at her, because he knew he had to say something that would make her give up trying. Ultimately, a relationship between them would go nowhere for one of two reasons. One; he'd screw it up (the more likely option). Two; he'd be dragged back kicking and screaming to his universe. Since he couldn't tell her about the second, more pressing reason, he just hoped the first would be enough to get her off his back. "It's not about him getting over us being together, it's about him getting over how it ends, because it will. I'm not a relationship guy. It's just a fact."

Rachel refused to accept this. "How do you know? How do you know it wouldn't work out this time?"

"I don't know how to try!" Puck rubbed his hands back and forth over his Mohawk.

They were quiet for a minute.

"Then use me." Rachel stated simply (almost surprising herself, but managing to maintain her composure).

Puck's eyes flashed up at her, shocked. He quickly recovered, though, shaking his head. "That's not the way to make Kid okay with this. It's not fair on you and not fair on… anyone." He threw his hands up, frustrated. "I just need a…" Trailing off, he walked ahead, leaving Rachel standing alone.

She moved to follow him, but he waved her off.

This was all too touchy-feely for his liking, and his badass points were in the negative by now. He needed to hit something; he needed to beat the crap out of something.

He paced, now, twenty feet away from her, feeling her eyes bearing into his soul. Except he didn't have a soul, no, he was an asshole idiot and no matter how hard she looked she wouldn't see into his soul, because it didn't exist.

He kicked a fence and let out a yell. This was way to god damn angsty for his liking. Then he realised he'd put his foot clear through the fence, and the noise from his actions had stirred some movement inside the house.

Shit

"Rach…" He called, smoothly pulling his leg out of the panels and moving towards her. "We should go." He sang the words, a smirk rising from within him.

Maybe badass Puck was still in there somewhere. He always got a rise out of doing something he shouldn't be doing. As he made his way towards a suspicious Rachel, he could feel that familiar rush of adrenaline and undeniable urge to grin through his smirk.

Before he got to her, however, he heard the door to the house with the broken fence open, and knew he had to get the hell out a dodge before they looked to see who'd done it. By this point, they wouldn't be looking for a culprit, just a reason for noise. Through years of practise, he knew it would be okay to _fucking run for it_!

He had Rachel by the wrist before she had any idea what was going on. The bewilderment on her face made him laugh.

Still laughing, he picked up the pace, Rachel in tow. "Come on!"

Surprised by his change of attitude, Rachel decided to just go with it, pulling her hand free and shifting her body shape so that she could keep up with him. "What are we doing?"

Puck checked over his shoulder to see that an obviously extremely annoyed woman in a nightgown (Lazy bitch, it was 6pm!) was wondering out of her gate onto the sidewalk.

"Oh, crap." Puck broke into a flat out sprint, smiling and patting Rachel on the shoulder to get her to run with him.

She ran, but looked to him for further explanation as they synchronised their steps.

"I, er…" Puck smirked, trying and failing to pull off sheepish, "I may have accidentally broken that there woman's fence." He gave up trying to look like he was sorry and grinned at her. "Oops."

The sarcasm in his tone made her giggle, and soon he joined her, and before they knew it, they were around the corner, pissing themselves laughing, close to rolling on the floor.

In between howls, Rachel got out, "How bad–" Another roar. "–was it?"

This made Puck laugh even harder, but before he had a chance to even try and reply, they heard the woman rounding the bend yell, "I can hear you two! Don't think you're not paying for this! I'll call the police; this is a crime!"

The outrage in her voice almost immobilised them, the pair's bodies rocking with amusement, but they managed to pull themselves together enough to run off and make a seemingly clean get away.

* * *

"I know what you're thinking. We're not doing _that_ again." Puck had walked her home once they were in the clear, but he stopped at her bottom steps and nodded to where they'd kissed last time he'd been there.

Biting her lip, Rachel looked at him through her lashes. "Do what again?"

Puck chuckled, but still didn't move towards her. "For a girl who's only kissed one guy, you sure know how to be god damn sexy when you need to be."

Rachel returned the chuckle. "Well." Her face sank into seriousness. "You know, you're the only guy I've ever been able to do that around. Be sexy, I mean. Every other time I've tried I end up looking like a total idiot. You bring out the best in my sexy wild side." She winked and did a mock sexy walk forward, as if to prove her point.

"Oh no," Puck teased. "You still look like an idiot, I'm just talented enough to look past that at the boobs and butt that come with it."

She'd gotten to where he was by this point, so she could reach him to slap him on the arm. But she was laughing.

The whole getting-chased-by-a-crazy-lady-in-a-nightgown-who-wasn't-really-crazy-just-quite-mad-about-her-broken-fence thing had lightened the mood between them significantly, and Puck had almost forgotten everything that stood between them. Being with this Rachel, the alternate universe version of her, was so easy. She wasn't stuck up, she didn't mind breaking the rules and she didn't feel the need to enunciate every point and every emotion with a song. It was like the hot bod Rachel he'd always known minus all the bad stuff that had put him off her. Only, he couldn't have her, which made all of that apparently amazing shit suck ass.

While he was thinking this through, Rachel had managed to worm her way past his defences and she was very close to the point of no return. His mind screamed 'Abort! Abort!' but the rest of his body was shrugging 'Eh. Pro-choice.'

"Puck." She breathed his name.

Her want for him made him want her even more. But…

He shoved her away. "No."

Trying to ignore how she was gaping after him, Puck climbed into his truck (Kid's truck, _Kid's _truck) and drove away.

* * *

Rachel could not believe it. She knew he wanted her. She'd initially had her doubts, but upon reflection she'd concluded that she was in fine physical condition, and he was well aware of that fact. So why the hell was he still turning her down?

It obviously wasn't _that_ much to do with his morals, seeing as less than twenty minutes previous he'd put his foot through a fence and hadn't waited around to see what the consequences were, so what was it?

Okay, so he really liked Kid. He also really liked sex, and Rachel had a feeling he wasn't about to give it up for his cousin.

She paced back and forth in front of her house, refusing to go in until she'd figured this out.

He'd said no to unattached sex, so did that mean he _wanted_ more? If so, then why was he so adamant that they couldn't be together?

She let out a frustrated yell. She hated this; this not knowing what was going on in that stupid guy's mind.

He didn't want to be with her. Not in a relationship. But, he wasn't up for free sex. So…

What was it he'd said? "_It's not fair on you and not fair on… anyone._"

He was talking about himself; it wasn't fair on him! So he was scared. Of what?

Of her hurting him!

That was it!

He didn't want to be with her because he was scared she'd hurt him, that she'd break his heart! It was the only thing that made sense.

Well, she wasn't going to be doing that.

Why did he think she was going to be doing that?

She'd only ever behaved positively towards him; she wasn't even the type of girl to hurt someone like that.

How dare he think she'd hurt him like that!

That's that, then. She was going to have to prove herself to him.

How?

Normally in this kind of situation (If she was honest with herself, in any kind of situation) she'd go to her best friend and most trusted confidant. But Puck had asked her not to tell Noah about this… Well, tough shit. He was just going to have to deal with being outed, because that's exactly what she was going to do.

With that in mind, she settled herself and started a fast march to the Puckermans' house, three blocks down.

This was going to be so good. Finally, after… Had it only been two days since she'd met Puck? Wow, felt like longer. Anyway, finally, she would get to be with Puck, and they could both be happy.

He'd be happy about this, she was sure. Right?

Surely, once Noah knew, and she explained that she'd never do anything to hurt him… Once he knew she could be trusted, he'd agree that they could be together?

The closer she got to Noah's house, the more and more she doubted herself, until she realised at the door that the only way to be certain she'd have the nerve to do this was if she just came out and said it.

So, she threw open the door and announced, "Noah, Puck and I kissed, and I plan wholeheartedly to do it again!"

To a room full of people.

In her focused haze, she'd missed the police car parked outside the house, and so was somewhat surprised to see Miriam and Jonas sitting on the couch, Noah and Puck standing behind it, all of them facing two stern-looking officers. Every face was turned to her, a mixture of expressions greeting her.

Jonas, rather oddly, looked amused. Miriam looked upset, and annoyed, but she looked annoyed about something most of the time, and there was the rather pressing matter of policemen in her house that may well be the reason for her annoyance. Noah, who seemed barely distracted from the two officers in the room, looked shocked, to say the least, so it was hard to say just how he felt about this turn of events. The police officers looked mad at the interruption, but ultimately focused on the job at hand. And Puck was seething, sexy anger sending waves of heat into the air. Maybe she hadn't decided to do this at the best of times.

Miriam, never losing her cool, waved at the only available seat, but still sounded a bit flustered (fair enough, considering). "Rachel, sit down, please."

The officers carried on with whatever they were doing before she'd barged in. "Mr and Mrs Puckerman, we understand that this has never happened before, but Ms Smithson is very upset. She said she will no longer be happy with just payment for the fence. She'd like to press charges."

Rachel, now sat in the chair Noah's mom had gestured at, glanced at Puck, who was looking pointedly. He mouthed 'Don't say anything.' She nodded, confused.

Jonas spoke up now. "Our son has never done anything like this before. Surely you could just give him a warning? I'm sure he'll never do anything like this again!"

Rachel looked up at Puck and Noah expectantly, waiting for them to explain that is was Puck who'd broken the fence, but they stayed quiet. She felt her eyebrows pull together.

The policeman who'd spoken before answered. "I'm sure that's exactly what a judge will do. Nonetheless, we have to take Noah to the station to write this up; otherwise Ms Smithson could file a complaint at another level, which could lead to more trouble for Noah than it's worth."

Miriam let out a sob. Rachel hadn't even noticed she was crying, but Puck's hand was already on her shoulder, comforting her. If he wanted to comfort her, why didn't he just tell them that it was his foot that poked a whole in Ms Smithson's damn fence?

Noah spoke for the first time since Rachel got here. "It's okay. I'll go."

Miriam sniffed a few times, resigned to this fact by now.

As the officers stood to lead Noah out, Rachel shifted forward, intending to tell them they'd made a mistake. But before she could, Puck caught her eye. His head shook infinitesimally, enough to make her pause while Noah left with the police.

How could Puck do this? He was _not _the person she'd thought he was. Instead of making a scene, however, she stayed silent until they could talk alone.

Miriam obviously sensed they needed to talk, but perhaps assumed it was because of what Rachel had said when she came in. She ushered Jonas out silently, and Rachel waited until she heard them upstairs to start.

She immediately slapped Puck across the chest. "What are you doing? _You_ broke Ms Smithson's fence!"

"I _know_!" Puck rolled his eyes. "There's an explanation…"

Rachel waited. "Go on then."

Thinking, Puck had nothing. Maybe it was the fact that she was pushing up her breasts as she crossed her arms, maybe it was the way her lips pursed together as she tapped her foot. Whatever it was, his mind had gone blank.

Rachel shook her head. "You've seriously go nothing? What, did you just convince Noah to do this because you could? Because he idolises you, you know that?"

Puck looked up, hurt, but Rachel didn't skip a beat.

"I just don't understand how you can _use_ him like that."

"Like you were going to?" Lashing out was a knee-jerk reaction for Puck, but even as he said it, he knew it was wrong. "What did you hope to achieve by telling the kid about the kiss? You were relying on how he reacted. For your _own gain_."

"Hey, what I did was immature; what you did was awful and selfish and wrong!" She spat her words at him, hate slowly but surely replacing any feelings of want she'd previously harboured.

Puck couldn't handle her looking at him like this. "Rach–"

"Don't '_Rach'_ me! How dare you do this to him; he's the nicest guy I've ever known, he doesn't deserve this!"

Puck couldn't stand it. He was going to tell her.

"Rach, listen! The kid and me… We're the same!" He didn't know how to get it out.

Rachel slapped him across the face in a cold, swift movement. "If you were one tenth of the man that boy is, you'd have never let him take the fall for something _you_ did. You appal me. You're disgusting."

"No, Rach!" Puck stopped her as she attempted to storm out. "You're not hearing me! We're the same person, like I'm him, he's me."

She snatched her hand away, trying to leave again.

He moved in front of her. "We, I'm from, like… Well, I'm _from_…" He didn't know if she'd believe him. Doubt shaded his thoughts.

Rachel sneered at him, for the first time looking something like the Rachel he knew from his universe. "Get it out, then. What could possibly allow you to justify this to yourself?"

Puck looked down, ashamed. "There's… There's no Peter Puckerman."

Rachel from his universe disappeared, thank god, replaced by a confused Rachel from this universe. "What?"

Puck looked back up at her, trying to make her believe him with his eyes. "My name is Noah Puckerman. I'm Noah, but from another universe."

* * *

_So, y'all best appreciate this chapter. I worked hard and stayed up until 5 last night writing some of this, and now it's 2:22. Because apparently I can only write at night. :/_

_Please review, makes me feel like it was worth it. _

_And THANKS FOR READING. of course :D  
_


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